2014 Darwin Awards Are Here

[Loafer]

2014 Darwin Awards

SIXTH PLACE: Goes to a San Anselmo, California man who died
when he hit a lift tower at the Mammoth mountain ski area
while riding down the slope on a foam pad. 22-year old David
Hubal was pronounced dead at Central Mammoth Hospital. The
accident occurred about 3 a.m., the Mono County Sheriff's
department said. Hubal and his friends apparently had hiked
up a ski run called Stump Alley and removed some yellow foam
protectors from lift towers, said Lt. Mike Donnelly of the
Mammoth Lakes Police Department. The pads are used to protect
skiers who might hit towers. The group apparently used the
pads to slide down the ski slope and Hubal crashed into a
tower. It has since been investigated and determined the
tower he hit was the one with its pad removed.

FIFTH PLACE: Goes to Robert Puelo, 32, was apparently being
disorderly in a St. Louis market. When the clerk threatened
to call the police, Puelo grabbed a hot dog, shoved it into
his mouth and walked out without paying. Police found him
unconscious in front of the store. Paramedics removed the
six-inch wiener from his throat where it had choked him to
death.

FOURTH PLACE: Goes to poacher Marino Malerba of Spain, who
shot a stag standing above him on an overhanging rock and
was killed instantly when it fell on him.

THIRD PLACE: "Man loses face at party" A man at a West
Virginia party (probably related to the winner last year,
a man in Arkansas who used the .22 bullet to replace the
fuse in his pickup truck) popped a blasting cap into his
mouth and bit down, triggering an explosion that blew off
his lips, teeth, and tongue. Jerry Stromyer, 24, of Kincaid,
bit the blasting cap as a prank during the party late
Tuesday night, said Cpl. M.D. Payne. "Another man had a
blasting cap in an aquarium hooked to a battery and was
trying to explode it. It wouldn't go off and this guy said,
"I'll show you how to set it off!" He put it into his mouth,
bit down and it blew all his teeth out and his lips and
tongue off, Payne said. Stromyer was listed in guarded
condition Wednesday with extensive facial injuries,
according to a spokesperson at Charleston Area Medical
Division "I just can't imagine anyone doing something like
that," Payne said. (Note: Maybe that's why they call these
the Darwin Awards)

SECOND PLACE: Doctors at Portland University Hospital said
an Oregon man shot through the skull by a hunting arrow is
lucky to be alive and will be released soon from the hospital.
Tony Roberts, 25, lost his right eye last weekend during an
initiation into a men's rafting club, Mountain Men Anonymous
(probably known now as Stupid Mountain Men Anonymous) in
Grants Pass, Oregon. A friend tried to shoot a beer can off
his head, but the arrow entered Robert's right eye. Doctors
said that had the arrow gone 1 millimeter to the left, a major
blood vessel would have been cut and Roberts would have
died instantly. Neurosurgeon, Doctor Johnny Delashaw, at the
University Hospital in Portland said the arrow went through
8 to 10 inches of brain with the tip protruding at the rear
of his skull, yet somehow managed to miss all major blood
vessels. Delashaw also said that had Roberts tried to pull
the arrow out on his own he surely would have killed himself.
Roberts admitted afterwards that he and his friend had been
drinking that afternoon. Said Roberts, "I feel so dumb about
this."

THIS YEAR'S WINNER: John Pernicky and his friend, Sal Hawkins,
of the great state of Washington, decided to attend a local
Metallica concert at the George Washington amphitheater.
Having no tickets (but having had 18 beers between them),
they thought it would be easy to "hop" over the nine foot
fence and sneak into the show. They pulled their pickup truck
over to the fence and the plan was for Mr. Pernicky, who was
100 pounds heavier than Mr. Hawkins, to hop the fence and then
assist his friend over. Unfortunately for (the late) Mr.
Pernicky, there was a 30-foot drop on the other side of the
fence. Having heaved himself over, he found himself crashing
through a tree. His fall was abruptly halted (and broken,
along with his arm) by a large branch that snagged him by his
shorts. Dangling from the tree with a broken arm, he looked
down and saw some bushes below him. Possibly figuring the
bushes would break his fall, he removed his pocket knife
and proceeded to cut away his shorts to free himself from the
tree. Finally free, Mr. Pernicky crashed into holly bushes.
The sharp leaves scratched his ENTIRE body and now, without
the protection of his shorts, a holly branch penetrated his
rectum. To make matters worse, upon landing his pocket knife
penetrated his thigh. Hawkins, seeing his friend in considerable
pain and agony, threw him a rope and tried to pull him to
safety by tying the rope to the pickup truck and slowly driving
away. However, in his drunken haste, he put the truck into
reverse and crashed through the fence, landing on his friend
and killing him. Police arrived to find the crashed pickup with
its driver thrown 100 feet from the truck and dead at the scene
from massive internal injuries. Upon moving the truck, they
found John deceased under it half-naked, scratches on his body,
a holly stick in his rectum, a knife in his thigh, and his
shorts dangling from a tree branch 25 feet in the air.

Congratulations gentlemen. You win. Five more idiots have been
removed from the gene pool.

[ringadingh]

Some of those would make great videos

[paul]

Red Neck for "this is surely going to end very badly"........."Hold my beer and watch this"!

[JayJay]

50 billion sperm and these are the shit heads that got through 5 down too many more to count. .

[johnberryus]

Ha, ha..