Guide to Vodka

When it comes to alcohol I like most liquor, spirits, brew, and what-have-you, yet mostly I find myself drinking vodka. It seems to have less undesirable side effects to me than anything else except maybe straight grain alcohol. Actually, really good vodka has very little else in it anyway, but some vodkas are far from good, so I thought some personal observations might be in order before anybody takes me up on the stealthy business of drinking vodka.

Vodka was traditionally made from potatoes, but now is most commonly made from grain. Still, it can be made from many other fruits and vegetables. Something to keep in mind if they ever lock you up.

I like some vodkas better than others, and I have my real favorites as well. Some are absolute drek. As a matter of fact, most of them are absolute drek; but some are amazingly good. I'm going to rate a selected few from my own experience.

Royal Gate Vodka
Motto: "Puts the AAAAAAHHH in Vodka". You'll go AAAAAHHH alright--just as soon as this stuff leaves your body and hits the toilet. Should be labeled: For external use only. Suitable only as a disinfectant or paint thinner. Very cheap, and tastes even cheaper. Hell, it tastes like something you'd clean a carburetor with, but not if you actually intend to keep whatever machine it's attached to.

Borski
Suitable for mouthwash if you have a really bad toothache or gum disease, and you intend spit it out. Strong emetic properties similar to Chocolated Ex-Lax but without the good taste. Do not swallow upon pain of something you'll wish was death.

Popov
See Borski. While you can actually swallow this one if mixed with large volumes of inert liquid, if you do you'll probably wish one of them was sodium pentathol.

Smirnoff
Motto: "Clearly original. Clearly Smirnoff"
Well it's clear alright, but any originality ends with the motto. Serve this to friends who don't know the difference--particularly if you never want them to visit again. See all those little gold medals reproduced on the label? Medals from where it won all those Russian exhibitions for "Best vodka as judged by a society of impoverished and suicide-prone alcoholics"? Don't be impressed. Russian judges are easy to bribe.

Ballerina Vodka
Was evidently filtered through the crotch of a well-worn tutu. Best drunk straight from an old dancing slipper, which improves the taste somewhat.

3Vodka
Very difficult to find in stores, and that fact probably helps keep the liquor-related death toll lower than it might be. Unlike other vodkas, 3Vodka is distilled from soy beans. This was an incredible idea, probably concocted by a prisoner on a soy bean farm in Malaysia who was simply tired of life. If you've ever eaten really ripe tofu I need say no more. Avoid at all costs.

Cardinal Ultimate Vodka
Overpriced at half the going rate. Distilled from beets. There's a reason nobody else does this. Unfortunately that reason is not obvious to the Cardinal people.

Dark Eyes Vodka
I didn't actually taste this one. The smell alone was too much like something distilled through an old radiator. Will probably cause blindness.

Effen Vodka
Not a bad tasting vodka. One notch above Sky. But who came up with the name? Evidently someone fond of gag gifts. "Here, Bill! I got you some of that Effen vodka you like so much." A bit overpriced.

Finlandia
Distilled from wheat. Pretty good considering that wheat won't grow in Finland and therefore the average Fin-lander couldn't tell wheat from mouse turds. Very reasonable price, and an excellent step up from Smirnoff.

Celtic Irish Vodka
It's obvious that the Irish know lots about drinking, but nothing about making vodka. Drink this if you want a complexion to remind folks of the Emerald Isles. It won't be from envy.

Galileo Vodka
They say Galileo built the first telescope. Half a bottle of this and you'll see stars without a frickin' telescope.

Genghis Khan Vodka
Laid waste to my entire gastroesophageal system like a horde of angry Mongols. You'll beg for mercy, but it won't do any good.

Hammer Vodka
I think it's obvious what they're trying to tell you with the name of this one. If you knock down a few of these, don't expect to get up again.

Karl Marx Vodka
Evidently one of the greatest failures of the capitalist system. Even the picture of old Karl on the label looks unhappy. Perhaps he drank some of this hideous stuff before posing.

Olifant Vodka
Pachyderm urine couldn't taste worse. Actually repels insects if you can stand to rub it on yourself, but you will probably prefer the insect bites.

Poolik Vodka
Read the name again. Do you even have to ask?

Russian Ambassador Vodka
Russia has never been known for its suave ambassadors. I think they served this one at the UN right before Kruschev started pounding his shoe on the podium.

Seagram's Vodka
If you ever need to get rid of a dead body, just soak it in this. So strong it dissolved most of my stomach lining before I even felt it.

Van Gogh Vodka
Didn't Van Gogh cut off his ear? After drinking this he'd have cut out his tongue.

Citroen
French vodka, distilled from grapes. Distinctive flavor, but not really as good as vodka made from potatoes or grain. Very expensive.

Sky
Comes in a distinctive blue bottle. OK, but nothing distinctive about it except for the bottle. Moderate price.

Monopolova
Distilled from potatoes. Distinctive. One of the better potato vodkas and very reasonably priced. available at Trader Joe's.

Kettel One
Usually more expensive that Vox but not quite as good. Still very good.

Grey Goose
Very nice, but usually overpriced.

V
From Costco. Distilled five times, which is unusual at this price. Very reasonably priced, and very good.

Absolut
The best you'll find in most bars, but really only middle-of-the-road IMO. Reasonably priced and widely available in stores.

Vox
Distilled five times. One of my absolute favorites. You can't go wrong with this one. One of the most expensive. Makes a nice present for that motorcyclist on your shopping list.

;)

OK.... I drink Potter's Vodka....chilled..... best tasting of the cheapies! lol


The BEST Vodka I've tasted.... I've tasted quite a few.....

Grey Goose
Absolut
3 Olives
XXX
Skyy
etc




Believe it or not is "Kirkland" Vodka from CostCo. MAde in Cognac, France.

Don't laugh.... try it. Chilled.



Kirkland Vodka click me


You will not be disappointed.

[beezer]

This must be a West Coast thing with the vodka. My friend in LA drinks it as well. Give me a Morgan and Coke anytime. Darn vodka does a number on my stomach. Either that or the mixer. Like tonic water is bad for that since I drink as much as I can drink when I drink. You can only handle so much orange juice in a screwdriver.
My favorite way, which I'm told is called a Dirty Martini, is vodka (and I'm not fussy) on the rocks with a teaspoon of olive juice and 3 big fat olives brewing.

I keep a bottle of goose around the house... but I put it away for parties. I am not a cheap bastard I have had to many occasions where I hosted a party and found dumbas$es mixing my top shelf stuff... and I cant live with that.

I keep Smirnoff around for gutter parties and... he he he... to impress people I will occasionally throw out a bottle of Absolute... cause the masses are impressed by that.

I have the same operating procedure with Tequila. Those brands are:
Don Julio Repasado that gets hidden
Jose Quervo gold (Blech... makes me sick just thinking about that trash)
And some type of Petron to impress the masses.

Actualy... I have hidden about 20 brands of top shelf Tequila... its my thing. In small groups of two or three I have been known to give Tequila tasting classes where I have explained the methods that are involved and the variance that distinguishes the different types as well as brands. I have converted quite a number of people that "hated" tequila and that is simply because they had never really HAD tequila.

Originally Posted by machodc

OK.... I drink Potter's Vodka....chilled..... best tasting of the cheapies! lol


The BEST Vodka I've tasted.... I've tasted quite a few.....

Grey Goose
Absolut
3 Olives
XXX
Skyy
etc




Believe it or not is "Kirkland" Vodka from CostCo. MAde in Cognac, France.

Don't laugh.... try it. Chilled.



Kirkland Vodka click me


You will not be disappointed.

Nico, that's the one I listed as "V" because of the big red "V" on the bottle, but more correctly it is Kirkland vodka, and it is right up there with Vox in my mind, and about half the price.

Originally Posted by beezer

This must be a West Coast thing with the vodka. My friend in LA drinks it as well. Give me a Morgan and Coke anytime. Darn vodka does a number on my stomach. Either that or the mixer. Like tonic water is bad for that since I drink as much as I can drink when I drink. You can only handle so much orange juice in a screwdriver.
My favorite way, which I'm told is called a Dirty Martini, is vodka (and I'm not fussy) on the rocks with a teaspoon of olive juice and 3 big fat olives brewing.

I don't do the screwdriver/bloody mary/wallbanger stuff. For me it's usually just on the rocks or to fortify some wimpy sweet desert liquor. I do like the dirty martini, and I really prefer cocktail onions or onion stuffed olives in mine. There's a bottle of this "Appletini" stuff in my fridge. It'll probably stay there until the fridge quits or I run out of every other liquor in the place. Who the devil invented that stuff? Yeeeeach!

Originally Posted by 2bez

...I have converted quite a number of people that "hated" tequila and that is simply because they had never really HAD tequila.

Most to me are just this side of pulque, but I do drink a little once in a while just for variety. I thought about buying a bottle of the Cabo Wabo stuff just to impress people, but I didn't. Who was I going to kid? I don't know anybody else that drinks the stuff. Best I ever bought was Sauza Reposado Especial (because it was on sale) though I've had Herradura. (I never actually ever bought any Herradura though.)

BTW, we did the engineering for the new Cabo Wabo Lighthouse in Fresno. Sammy Hagar is supposed to show up for the opening. That job was a total PITA, the contractor still owes us money, and we won't even get a free shot of tequila out of the deal. I doubt I'll be tossing down shots there any time soon.

Originally Posted by caddmannq

Nico, that's the one I listed as "V" because of the big red "V" on the bottle, but more correctly it is Kirkland vodka, and it is right up there with Vox in my mind, and about half the price.

I noticed after I replied that you had it on there a V.... it is very good!


I like getting a few olives on the side too!

[pablo]

I'm more of a teqila drinker, but I found a great vodka from Austin called Titos http://www.titos-vodka.com/ . I would like someone that knows vodka to check this one out.

Dang! Distilled 6 times? Sounds almost worth ridin' to Texas for.

[dakals]

Yummy!!!!!!!

[blowndodge]

I don't drink vodka too often and when I do it's apple vodka super chilled.

[pablo]

The folks at the liquor store said everyone that used to buy Grey Goose is switching to this vodka. And, my wife, Julie, won first place (blue ribbon) at the Fred and Stacy Benefit Bar-B-Que Cookoff in the Bloody Mary competition with this vodka.

Originally Posted by Blowndodge "Darksider"

I don't drink vodka too often and when I do it's apple vodka super chilled.

[dlarue]

I LOVE vodka... We usually drink Pinacle, which is pretty cheap and tastes very good. Its the best for shots, or mixed with orange juice.

I actually don't drink anymore... Learned my lesson the hard way last New Years. After throwing up for three days, I decided that I could do without, lol. Lost about 10 lbs before it was all done with; although, I wouldn't recommend that as a safe practice for shedding those extra pounds!