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10-24-2007, 03:23 PM | #1 |
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Changing the oil, Men vs Women
Oil Change procedures for Women:
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change. 2) Drink a cup of coffee 3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly > maintained vehicle. Money spent: Oil Change: $20.00 Coffee: $1.00 Total: $21.00 Oil Change procedures for Men: 1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00. 2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home. 3) Open a beer and drink it. 4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands. 5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car. 6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it. 7) Place drain pan under engine. 8)Look for 9/16 box end wrench. 9) Give up and use crescent wrench. 10) Unscrew drain plug. 11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss. 12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil. 13) Have another beer while watching oil drain. 14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench. 15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off. 16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer. 17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface. 18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine. 19) Remember drain plug from step 11. 20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan. 21) Drink beer. 22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill. 23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer. 24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame. 25) Begin cussing fit. 26) Throw stupid crescent wrench. 27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy. 28) Beer. 29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow. 30) Beer. 31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil. 32) Beer. 33) Lower car from jack stands. 34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps. 35) Beer. 36) Test drive car. 37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence. 38) Car gets impounded. 39) Call loving wife, make bail. 40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard. Money spent: Parts $50.00 DUI $2500.00 Impound fee $75.00 Bail $1500.00 Beer $20.00 Total $4,145.00 (But you know the job was done right!) SEND THIS TO WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH...... AND TO MEN YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT.... |
10-24-2007, 04:37 PM | #2 |
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Changing the oil, Men vs Women
She made you post this!!!!
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I love my Victory Cross Country Tour 106. Smells like Victory! Ultra's are Limited There are two types of Harley riders. Those that trailer them and those that push them. The most Interesting Man in the World "Find the things in life you don't do well and don't do those things" Member # 0005 |
10-24-2007, 04:39 PM | #3 |
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Changing the oil, Men vs Women
That's funny as hell and alot of truth as well
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2012 FLHTK |
10-24-2007, 05:36 PM | #4 |
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Changing the oil, Men vs Women
Not funny dude...true though. lol
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Jeff Platz VBA #0002 VBA VP-Global B.A.C.A. Hoss 2005 "StrongBear" Black/Silver Todd and BD |
10-24-2007, 05:42 PM | #5 |
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Changing the oil, Men vs Women
Wolfman are you violating "Man Law"????
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I love my Victory Cross Country Tour 106. Smells like Victory! Ultra's are Limited There are two types of Harley riders. Those that trailer them and those that push them. The most Interesting Man in the World "Find the things in life you don't do well and don't do those things" Member # 0005 |
10-24-2007, 06:09 PM | #6 |
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Changing the oil, Men vs Women
Do we need to revoke a man card?
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Jeff Platz VBA #0002 VBA VP-Global B.A.C.A. Hoss 2005 "StrongBear" Black/Silver Todd and BD |
10-24-2007, 08:08 PM | #7 | |
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Changing the oil, Men vs Women
Quote:
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Todd Frazier VBA #0003 VBA National Leader-USA Operations/Garage Moderator - RETIRED 2006 Black Nomad since she was born Greensboro, NC |
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10-24-2007, 08:50 PM | #8 |
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Changing the oil, Men vs Women
Hey, I laugh when somethings funny! I don't discriminate between men and women. We are both equally worthless. what happens if my man card gets taken away? I have to sit to pee or what???
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10-25-2007, 08:54 AM | #9 |
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Changing the oil, Men vs Women
You have to sit to pee, scream when you see a little bug, bitch about your weight, ask if your pants make your butt look big, complain about your hair...
Guys, anymore suggestions?
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Jeff Platz VBA #0002 VBA VP-Global B.A.C.A. Hoss 2005 "StrongBear" Black/Silver Todd and BD |
10-25-2007, 09:47 AM | #10 |
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Changing the oil, Men vs Women
No football for the duration of the suspension unless it is to comment on what wh*res those cheerleaders are!
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Todd Frazier VBA #0003 VBA National Leader-USA Operations/Garage Moderator - RETIRED 2006 Black Nomad since she was born Greensboro, NC |
10-25-2007, 09:50 AM | #11 |
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Changing the oil, Men vs Women
OK...... this one just might bring me out of retirement!!!
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10-25-2007, 09:52 AM | #12 |
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Changing the oil, Men vs Women
I am sooo pissed. I just broke a nail, I'm having a bad hair day, and to top it all off I just ran out of wax and I'm getting a nasty 5 o'clock shaddow. By the way do these pants make my butt look fat? |
10-25-2007, 09:54 AM | #13 |
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Changing the oil, Men vs Women
YES!!!
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10-25-2007, 09:55 AM | #14 |
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Changing the oil, Men vs Women
YAAYY Nico's back!!
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10-25-2007, 09:57 AM | #15 |
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Changing the oil, Men vs Women
I suspected soemone had something going with BD..... I didn't suspect you Wolf.... thought it was SWB...... but it's a free country!
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