Answers to 5 of the toughest questions women ask

[Loafer]

The five questions are:
1 - "What are you thinking?"
2 - "Do you love me?"
3 - "Do I look fat?"
4 - "Do you think she is prettier than me?"
5 - "What would you do if I died?"
What makes these questions so bad is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument and/or divorce if the man does not answered properly, which is to say dishonestly. For example:

1 - "What are you thinking?"
The proper answer to this question, of course is, "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, caring, thoughtful, intelligent, beautiful woman you are and what a lucky guy I am to have met you." Obviously, this statement bears no resemblance whatsoever to what the guy was really thinking at the time, which was most likely one of five things:
a - Football
b - Baseball
c - How fat you are.
d - How much prettier she is than you.
e - How he would spend the insurance money if you died.
The best answer to this stupid question came from Al Bundy, of Married With Children, who was asked it by his wife, Peg. "If I wanted you to know," Al said, "I'd be talking instead of thinking."
The other questions also have only one right answer but many wrong answers:

2 - "Do you love me?"
The correct answer to this question is, "Yes." For those guys who feel the need to be more elaborate, you may answer, "Yes, dear." Wrong answers include:
a - I suppose so.
b - Would it make you feel better if I said yes.
c - That depends on what you mean by "love".
d - Does it matter?
e - Who, me?

3 - "Do I look fat?"
The correct male response to this question is to confidently and emphatically state, "No, of course not" and then quickly leave the room. Wrong answers include:
a - I wouldn't call you fat, but I wouldn't call you thin either.
b - Compared to what?
c - A little extra weight looks good on you.
d - I've seen fatter.
e - Could you repeat the question? I was thinking about your insurance policy.

4 - "Do you think she's prettier than me?"
The "she" in the question could be an ex-girlfriend, a passer-by you were staring at so hard that you almost cause a traffic accident or an actress in a movie you just saw. In any case, the correct response is, "No, you are much prettier." Wrong answers include:
a - Not prettier, just pretty in a different way.
b - I don't know how one goes about rating such things.
c - Yes, but I bet you have a better personality.
d - Only in the sense that she's younger and thinner.
e - Could you repeat the question? I was thinking about your insurance policy.

5 - "What would you do if I died?"
Correct answer: "Dearest love, in the event of your untimely demise, life would cease to have meaning for me and I would perforce hurl myself under the front tires of the first Domino's Pizza truck that came my way."

[ringadingh]

They bring on their own problems with those questions, If they stayed thin and pretty. most wouldn't have a problem.

[AlabamaNomadRider]

Got to love those questions. Been asked those at one time or another. Always seemed to answer the wrong way.

[ringadingh]

There is no right answer, we gut burned every time

[AlabamaNomadRider]

Yep, no matter how hard we try to answer correctly it seems to be wrong. Or they accuse us of lying to them. Just can't win.

[stator]

1 - "What are you thinking?"
Oh... nothing. Just a little brain fart there. (lie)
2 - "Do you love me?"
Of course I do. You know that. (must be holding her hand and looking in her eyes to lie like this convincingly)
3 - "Do I look fat?" (Important - surely you've noticed only "at risk" girls ask this question)
smiling widely: Babe... no matter what I say you'll get mad, so I'm not answering that. (truth - babe is a pig)
4 - "Do you think she is prettier than me?"
Sweetie, there's always someone prettier or more handsome then we. As it happens you're perfect just as you are for me. (lie... throw up in mouth a little)
5 - "What would you do if I died?"
I don't know... I can't really imagine it. You're so much a part of me... Ohmygod... sweetie... are you sick? TELL ME YOU'RE OKAY!! (successful deflection)

[ragnagwar]

C'mon guys, you know that if a man has an opinion in the woods and there's no woman around to hear it he's wrong anyway!

[wompus]

I believe those questions were asked of Loafer from the only female he ever dated!

It was a female, right??

[Loafer]

Mike, how do you know this stuff?
Yes it was a female. That other stuff reminds me of your cat.