Lawyers

[jussmatt]

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ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

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ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it a affect your memory at all?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS: I forget.

ATTORNEY : You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

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ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?

WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"

ATTORNEY : And why did that upset you?

WITNESS : My name is Susan!

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ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?

WITNESS: We both do.

ATTORNEY : Voodoo?

WITNESS: We do.

ATTORNEY: You do?

WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

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ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS : Did you actually pass the bar exam?

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ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old, how old is he?

WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.

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ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS : Are you sh*ttting me?

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ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th ?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?

WITNESS : Uh.... I was gettin' laid!

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ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

WITNESS : Yes.

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

WITNESS : Are you kidding? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

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ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS: By death.

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

WITNESS : Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?

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ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.

ATTORNEY : Was this a male or a female?

WITNESS: Guess.

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ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?

WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

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ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?

WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?

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ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

WITNESS: Oral.

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ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

ATTORNEY : And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS : No, he w as sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!

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ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?

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ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

WITN ESS: No.

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

[dakals]

Stupid people!!!!!!!LOL LOL

[beezer]

When I was 19 I had to go to court and the Plaintiffs lawyer asked me how long I was Mr. Zorzetto. I looked at him and laughed and the judge started to laugh at him and then the hammer went down and we weren't supposed to laugh at him anymore. Dumbass lost the case too

[Yellow Jacket]

God help us if we ever need a lawyer and one of these bozo's is the best we can find.

[dakals]

And yet they went to college. Their parents must be proud.

[socwkbiker]

I still want to know how they passed the bar! Or did they stop at the one on the corner?

[ringadingh]

Most of the ones I have met are only experts at sending an invoice for all of their stupid questions.