CyberSex ~ Having Trouble?

Loafer · 05-22-2014, 06:13 AM

For those of you wishing to end your relationship, this may be of help.

CYBER BREAK UP LETTER

Dear [insert screen name here]

I regret to inform you that, under a plan for the periodic
removal of
unpleasantness from my life, I must terminate our online
affair. This
termination takes effect immediately. Below, you will find the reasons for this
action:

_____ While our cybersex sessions were competent,
your constant use of "brb gotta pee" took some of the
romance out of it.
_____ I've found another lover, one who knows the importance
of punctuation.
_____ Certain errors during cyber sessions indicate that you
were less than honest:
__ You typed: "I remove my bra" when you claimed to be a
man.
__ You typed: "I enter you" when you claimed to be a
woman.
__ Your supposedly original scenario, it turns out, is
simply page 56
of a Jackie Collins novel.
__ Your repeated references to animals suggest that you
are hiding something from me.
__ I finally opened the file with your __ gif __ jpg __
police record.
__ I have no choice but to comply with the court orders
unless I wish to face stalking charges.
__ Mommie says I need to spend less time on the computer.
__ I have established a more personal relationship with
the Lord, and
I would like to talk to you in great detail about what you
can do to
ensure a place in Heaven when the endtimes come. They are
closer than
you think.
___ The fact that you BCC all your love letters to me
leaves me
feeling less than special. As in cyber cheating.
___ I finally read your profile, and the fact that you are only 14
violates the terms of my parole.
___ I am entering the witness protection program.
Please understand, __ [screen name] and/or __ you
misbegotten son of a
bitch__ sir/madam __ mom/dad [for use in West Virginia],
that there is
nothing personal in this. We've simply grown apart.

Any additional correspondence you may direct to my
attorney,
__ Sincerely,
__ Gleefully,
__ I have to go before the warden calls "lights out,"
__ Uh oh, my Real Life mate is coming up the stairs,
__ Good riddance,
[Name or alias]

05-22-2014, 06:13 AM	#1
Loafer Sr. Contributor Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 18,287	CyberSex ~ Having Trouble? For those of you wishing to end your relationship, this may be of help. CYBER BREAK UP LETTER Dear [insert screen name here] I regret to inform you that, under a plan for the periodic removal of unpleasantness from my life, I must terminate our online affair. This termination takes effect immediately. Below, you will find the reasons for this action: _____ While our cybersex sessions were competent, your constant use of "brb gotta pee" took some of the romance out of it. _____ I've found another lover, one who knows the importance of punctuation. _____ Certain errors during cyber sessions indicate that you were less than honest: __ You typed: "I remove my bra" when you claimed to be a man. __ You typed: "I enter you" when you claimed to be a woman. __ Your supposedly original scenario, it turns out, is simply page 56 of a Jackie Collins novel. __ Your repeated references to animals suggest that you are hiding something from me. __ I finally opened the file with your __ gif __ jpg __ police record. __ I have no choice but to comply with the court orders unless I wish to face stalking charges. __ Mommie says I need to spend less time on the computer. __ I have established a more personal relationship with the Lord, and I would like to talk to you in great detail about what you can do to ensure a place in Heaven when the endtimes come. They are closer than you think. ___ The fact that you BCC all your love letters to me leaves me feeling less than special. As in cyber cheating. ___ I finally read your profile, and the fact that you are only 14 violates the terms of my parole. ___ I am entering the witness protection program. Please understand, __ [screen name] and/or __ you misbegotten son of a bitch__ sir/madam __ mom/dad [for use in West Virginia], that there is nothing personal in this. We've simply grown apart. Any additional correspondence you may direct to my attorney, __ Sincerely, __ Gleefully, __ I have to go before the warden calls "lights out," __ Uh oh, my Real Life mate is coming up the stairs, __ Good riddance, [Name or alias] __________________ Gerry Martineau / 802 VT / VBA #0892 /[email]glmjgm@gmail.com[email]