How do you deal with the loss of a child?

[ells]

So much about life and the world we don't understand. Just need to make the most of it and be there the best you can for your friends. My sincere condolences to those parents.

[coacha]

I want to thank everyone for there kind words of wisdom and insights. We will be planning a celebration of life for next week in Derek's memory. Another coach and I may be putting together a video montage for the family to be shown at the service if it is something they want to do.

Our school community has been a great help over the past day. I have had personal contact with our superintendent throughout and my school site administration has been very supportive of everything.

Once again, thank you all for reading, replying and praying for the family. I know that means a lot to them and to me. You are all great people.

[paul]

Tragic. Very sorry to hear. Condolences to the family. Sometimes all one can do is sit and hold a hand. In our prayers

[Kawhead]

Ron the best thing your friends have going for them at this time is knowing you and having you there. I've only known you for a firm hand shake and a few warm pleasantries. Your better at conversation than I, and I know your well suited to help ease your friends pain through what has to be an unimaginable devastation.

So far as I know there is nothing you can say. Just stay close and help them mourn is the best thing.

[schoeney]

Sorry for the loss Coach. I don't know what I would do if I lost my only daughter. It must be devastating for your friends.

I do have a friend that lost her 10 year son, counseling and a suport group made up of other parents that lost their children helped her a great deal. Obviously it can't replace their loss but can help your friends get through the days ahead.

You may want to see if their is a local organization that may be able to help.

Here is a link to an example but this is just a random result from a google search.

http://www.griefnet.org/support/sg2.html

You and your friends will be in our prayers.

Greg

[MikeInFla]

Ron there is nothing you can do but make sure they know your always there for them.

This young man is as close to you as your own kids and your dealing with this also. Your love and support for each other is all that matters right now.

Many of us feel your pain and are here for you to vent some more if needed. Both your family will be in my prayers.

[blowndodge]

Sorry to hear that Coach and you too Beezer.

Put your faith in God. When it's time to cry, cry your heart out to him. He will be there.

[ridemslow]

+1 Excellent advice. I cannot add anything else to what has not already been written here, so I too will whisper a prayer for you and your friends family.

Originally Posted by Blowndodge "Darksider"

Sorry to hear that Coach and you too Beezer.

Put your faith in God. When it's time to cry, cry your heart out to him. He will be there.

[reaper]

CoachA
First this is an appropriate venue to vent, we are family, we are here for each other in good times and bad, other than God who can you vent to but your friends.

Being in the life and death business for 25 years the one thing I have learned is death is never easy to deal with. Just be there for your friends, cry, pray, and share with them.

Remeber we are here for you too

Doug

[unwind2]

Ron, so sorry to hear this. Sounds like you are doing all the right things....just being there for them and helping to organize a celebration of his life. Don't forget to take care of yourself too.

I've had this happen to a close friend several years ago. She lost he only son in a very similar suicidal fashion after a long struggle with addiction.

There was a book I bought for her and gave to her after just a bit of time had passed. It covers the death of a loved one...murder, suicide etc. She told me is was such a good book she kept it on her nightstand for over a year and the pages were tattered and worn. She even bought one for someone else who said the same thing.

I remember the title but not the author ....I will be glad to goggle is you would like but the title of the book was "Beyond Grief'.

Take care and God bless.
Nancy

[tazfl]

Coach, like others have said there isn't allot you can do other then be there for them to talk to when they need it. One other thing is make sure they understand that it's NOT their fault, if their marriage isn't a strong one it can end up leading to one blaming the other or both of them blaming each other and ending up in divorice. I say this because a VERY good friend of mine was having a cook out about 10 years ago, had allot of friends over, including myself and my wife. there were allot of adults and children there. his wife had brought their 3 year old son in from the pool to eat lunch. He got down from the table without anyone seeing and walked back out to the pool where other older kids were playing. They found him floating underneath a raft in the pool.
Like you my wife and I drove them to the emergency room while their son was life flighted. When we got there it was too late, they had not been able to save him. I never heard it from them but I believe that they might have blamed each other for it, one was in the house, the other was in the backyard cooking on the grille not far from the pool. it wasn't long after his death that they divoriced.
Thats why i say they need to understand that neither of them are to blame for their sons actions.

[coacha]

Just wanted to update everyone. Tonight was the memorial for Derek. It was one of the most difficult events I have ever participated in. I was a reader and spoke to a packed church. Didn't find out that I was going to say any of my own words until about 30 minutes before the service.

With the help of many prayers of my friends here and that are part of my school community, I made it through ok. If you have never had to speak in this type of situation, it is a different thing entirely than what I am used to. I speak many times a year in front of kids and parents, but never in a situation like this. So much emotion welled up in me, seeing so many that where hurting inside for the family and trying to be the "macho" coach. I did ok, only about broke down 4 or 5 times (maybe 7 or 8), but conveyed my message to the family and those in attendance.

The message of the pastor, who is a long time friend, was powerful and hopefully made an impact on everyone. I know it did on me. Self reflection is my next step toward dealing with all of this and re-evaluation. We all move forward and with a new purpose. Some day all of this will make sense to me, I'm sure God will explain it to me so my type "A" total control freak mentality will be able to understand.

Thanks to all of you that have thought of the family and me over the last days and for all of your prayers. I'm sure that they helped me weather this storm. Please continue to pray for the Cline family as they take their next step in recovery.

God Bless.

[Cajunrider]

Ron, A couple of years ago, a member in our church who has two young kids, had to go through this whole sad ordeal. Her husband had a couple of rough years with his sugar cane farm and one morning decided he was going to end his problems. He had coffee with several other farmers at a little mom & pop restaurant and asked the other farmers what they were going to be doing that day. They all had their days mapped out and answered his question. He then replied to them that he was going to blow his brains out. They all laughed at what he told them because none of them thought he was serious. Well, he went to his tractor shed, sat in a chair right in the middle and put a 12 gauge shotgun in his mouth and held true to his statement. He made that decision between the time he left his house early that morning and when he arrived at the restaurant. We know this because he packed himself a lunch that morning before leaving home. He killed himself in the middle of grinding season when the sugar cane was being harvested. His poor wife had to take over the farm and get the rest of the crop to the mill under very trying circumstances. He had a decked out HD Ultra that she pushed down the driveway and put a for sale sign on it. I spoke to her several times after his death offering any kind of help that I could. Let me tell you she was hurt but I think she was more pi$$ed off than anything. Here she was with a 13 year old son and a 3 year old daughter, a mortgage, a crop to get harvested, etc. It's the people who are left behind that suffer the most. She told me several times how what he did was the most selfish act she has ever witnessed in her lifetime. I've heard our pastor say more than once, "Suicide is a permanent solution to temporary problems". How true that statement is. They say time heals but I don't think a parent or spouse ever gets over something of this magnitude. I know that with God on our side nothing is impossible but this kid's parents will need their close friends support and encouragement from now on. God bless.

Faith, family, friends. It's time like this when ones faith is truly tested. It is also what gets one through the tough times. It is so important to have friends to lean on in times like this. I imagine you have been more important to the family than you will ever know coach. Just keep being their friend.