Joke of the day

[socwkbiker]

This 80 year old woman was arrested for shop lifting.
When she went before the judge in Cincinnati he asked her,
"What did you steal?" She replied, "A can of peaches."

The judge then asked her why she had stolen the can of peaches
And she replied that she was hungry. The judge then asked her
How many peaches were in the can. She replied six.

The judge then said, "I will then give you 6 days in jail."

Before the judge could actually pronounce the punishment, the
woman's husband spoke up and asked the judge if he could say
Something. The judge said, "What is it?"

The husband said, "She also stole a can of peas."

[socwkbiker]

Two doctors, one a Psychiatrist and the other a Proctologist, opened an office in a small town and put up a sign reading:


"Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Hysterias and Posteriors."


The town council was not happy with the sign, so the doctors
changed it to "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids. This was not acceptable
either.

So in an effort to satisfy the council they changed the sign to
"Catatonics and High Colonics." Thumbs down again.

Then came "Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives." Still no good.

Another attempt resulted in "Minds and Behinds." Unacceptable again.


So they tried "Lost Souls and Butt Holes." No way.

"Analysis and Anal Cysts?" Nope.

"Nuts and Butts?" Uh uh.

"Freaks and Cheeks?" Still no go.

"Loons and Moons?" Forget it.

Almost at their wit's end, the doctors finally came up with: "Dr.Smith and Dr. Jones,

"Odds and Ends."


Approved!!

[socwkbiker]

An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From
morning till night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining about
something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing
with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot.

One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field.
He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to
eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began haranguing him again. Complain,
nag, nag; it just went on and on.

All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet; caught her
smack in the back of the head. Killed her dead on the spot.

At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather
odd. When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would listen
for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a man mourner
approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in
disagreement. This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask the old
farmer about it.

So after the funeral, the minister spoke to the old farmer, and asked him
why he nodded his head and agreed with the women, but always shook his
head and disagreed with all the men.

The old farmer said: "Well, the women would come up and say something
about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was, so I'd nod my
head in agreement."

"And what about the men?" the minister asked.

"They wanted to know if the mule was for sale

Thot thar is fuunny...


<marquee>Smite me you fools. </marquee>

[lw]

They wanted to know if the mule was for sale

Just can't put a price on peace and quiet.

Ahhhh...... <-13>..... my lucky #...... need to make it to my other lucky #..... <-69>.... help me out!!

[socwkbiker]

One December day we found an old straggly cat at our door.


She was a sorry sight.


Starving, dirty, smelled terrible, skinny and hair all matted down.

We felt sorry for her, put her in a carrier and took her to the vet.

We didn't know what to call her, so we named her "pu**ycat."

The vet decided to keep her for a day or so.

He said he would let us know when we could come and get her.

My husband (the complainer) said, "OK, but don't forget to wash her because she stinks."

He reminded the vet that it was his WIFE (me) who wanted the dirty cat, not him.

My husband and my Vet don't see eye-to-eye.

The vet calls my husband 'El-Cheap-O', and my husband calls the vet 'El-Charge-O'.

They love to hate each other and constantly 'snipe' at one another, with my husband getting in the last word on this particular occasion.

The next day my husband had an appointment with his doctor, who is located in the same building, next door to the vet.

The MD's waiting room and office were full of people waiting to see the doctor.

A side door opened and the vet leaned in - he had obviously seen my husband arrive.

He looked straight at my husband and in a loud voice said,

"Your wife's pu**y doesn't stink any more and it's finally clean and shaved, so she now smells like a rose.

Oh, and, by the way, I think she's pregnant. God only knows who the father is!"

Then he closed the door.

Now THAT, my friends, is getting even!

[socwkbiker]

A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale hits Mexico
. Two million Mexicans
have died and over a million are injured.
The country is totally ruined and the government doesn't know where to
start with asking for help to
rebuild.

The rest of the world is in shock.

Canada is sending troopers to help the Mexican army control the riots.

Saudi Arabia is sending oil.

Other Latin American countries are sending supplies.

The European community (except France ) is sending food and money.

The United States , not to be outdone, is sending two million replacement
Mexicans.

Ahhhh...... <-13>..... my lucky #...... need to make it to my other lucky #..... <-69>.... help me out!!

Let me guess your other lucky number could it be -666?

I had a funny one but the automated edit thingy ruined it and it made no sense whatsoever so I had to delete it. I guess I'll have to me more selective when posting jokes.

[vulcanvixen]

<marquee> </marquee>

[vulcanvixen]

<<<Trip, is this a G rated forum? If not.......... let 'er rip!! >>>

Keep in mind that we DO have ladies in our presence. Of course, I guess they can tell some sexist jokes too...LOL.

X is WAY more fun!!!!!!!!!!! ;) :-* Keep 'em coming!!!

[vulcanvixen]

Why, thank you, GH.....great minds think alike!!!

[socwkbiker]

A little girl is sitting on her grandpa's lap and studying the wrinkles on his old face. She gets up the nerve to rub her fingers over the wrinkles. Then she touches her own face and looks more puzzled.
Finally the little girl asks, "Grandpa, did God make you?"

"He sure did honey, a long time ago," replies her grandpa.

"Well, did God make me?" asks the little girl.

"Yes, He did, and that wasn't too long ago," answers her grandpa.

"Boy," says the little girl, "He's sure doing a lot better job these days, isn't He?"

Aww... :-*