Philosophy of Ambiquity

[MarkG]

For those who love the philosophy of ambiguity, as well as the idiosyncrasies of English:

1.Â* Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

2.Â* One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

3.Â* If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

4.Â* The main reason that Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

5.Â* I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "where's the self- help section?" she said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

6.Â* What if there were no hypothetical questions?

7.Â* If a deaf child signs swear words, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

8.Â* If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

9.Â* Is there another word for synonym?

10.Â* Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"

11.Â* What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

12.Â* If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

13.Â* Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

14.Â* Why do they lockÂ*gas station bathrooms? are they afraid someone will clean them?

15.Â* If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

16.Â* Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

17.Â* If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

18.Â* Why do they put braille on the drive-through bank machines?

19.Â* How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?

20.Â* What was the best thing before sliced bread?

21.Â* One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

22.Â* Does the little mermaid wear an algebra?

23.Â* Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

24.Â* How is it possible to have a civil war?

25.Â* If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?

26.Â* If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?

27. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

28.Â* Whose cruel idea was it for the word 'lisp' to have 's' in it?

29.Â* Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"?

30.Â* Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

31.Â* Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

32.Â* If you spin an oriental person in a circle three times, do they become disoriented?