Deer Wrangler

[pick187]

This story has been around for a while, but I saw the pic below and made me think of it. If you haven't read it, it is very funny (but long).

Pick

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I had this idea that I was going to rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed it up on corn for
a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it.

The first step in this adventure was getting a deer. I figured that since they congregated
at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear of me when we are there, (a
bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags of feed, while I am in
the back of the truck not 4 feet away) that it should not be difficult to rope one, get up
to it and toss a bag over its head (to calm it down) then hog tie it and transport it home.

I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope. The cattle, which had seen
the roping thing before, stayed well back. They were not having any of it.

After about 20 minutes my deer showed up, 3 of them. I picked out a likely looking one, stepped out, from the end of the feeder, and threw my rope. The deer just stood there
and stared at me. I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end, so I would
have a good hold.

The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you could tell it was mildly concerned
about the whole rope situation. I took a step towards it. It took a step away. I put a
little tension on the rope and received an education.

The first thing that I learned, is that while a deer may just stand there looking at you
funny while you rope it, they are spurred to action when you start pulling on that rope.
That deer EXPLODED.

The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer is a LOT stronger than a cow
or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range, I could fight down with a rope with some
dignity. A deer, no chance. That thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled. There was
no controlling it and certainly no getting close to it.

As it jerked me off my feet and started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me
that having a deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I originally imagined. The
only up side is that they do not have as much stamina as many animals. A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk me off my feet and drag me when I
managed to get up. It took me a few minutes to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by
the blood flowing out of the big gash in my head.

At that point I had lost my taste for corn fed venison. I just wanted to get that devil creature off the end of that rope. I figured if I just let it go with the rope hanging
around its neck, it would likely die slow and painfully somewhere. At the time, there was
no love at all between me and that deer. At that moment, I hated the thing and I would venture a guess that the feeling was mutual. Despite the gash in my head and the several
large knots, where I had cleverly arrested the deer's momentum by bracing my head
against various large rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I could still think clearly enough to recognize that there was a small chance that I shared some tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we were in, so I didn't want the deer to have to suffer
a slow death. I managed to get it lined up to back in between my truck and the feeder,
a little trap I had set beforehand. Kind of like a squeeze chute. I got it to back in
there and started moving up so I could get my rope back.

Did you know that deer bite? They do! I never in a million years would have thought
that a deer would bite somebody so I was very surprised when I reached up there to
grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of my wrist. Now, when a deer bites you, it
is not like being bit by a horse where they just bite you and then let go. A deer bites
you and shakes its head, almost like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts. The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and draw back slowly. I tried screaming and shaking instead. My method was ineffective. It seems like the deer was
biting and shaking for several minutes, but it was likely only several seconds. I, being
smarter than a deer (though you may be questioning that claim by now) tricked it. While
I kept it busy tearing the hound out of my right arm, I reached up with my left hand
and pulled that rope loose.

That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior for the day. Deer will strike at
you with their front feet. They rear right up on their back feet and strike right about
head and shoulder level, and their hooves are surprisingly sharp. I learned a long time
ago that when an animal like a horse strikes at you with their hooves and you can't get
away easily, the best thing to do is try to make a loud noise and make an aggressive
move towards the animal. This will usually cause them to back down a bit so you can escape. This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously such trickery would not
work. In the course of a millisecond I devised a different strategy. I screamed like
a woman and tried to turn and run. The reason I had always been told NOT to try to
turn and run from a horse that paws at you is that there is a good chance that it will
hit you in the back of the head. Deer may not be so different from horses after all,
besides being twice as strong and three times as evil, because the second I turned to
run, it hit me right in the back of the head and knocked me down.

Now when a deer paws at you and knocks you down it doesn't immediately leave. I
suspect it does not recognize that the danger has passed. What they do instead is
paw your back and jump up and down on you while you are laying there crying like a
little girl and covering your head. I finally managed to crawl under the truck and
the deer went away.

Now for the local legend. I was pretty beat up. My scalp was split open, I had several
large goose eggs, my wrist was bleeding pretty good and felt broken (it turned out to
be just badly bruised) and my back was bleeding in a few places, though my insulated
canvas jacket had protected me from most of the worst of it. I drove to the nearest
place, which was the co-op.

I got out of the truck, covered in blood and dust and looking like I'd just come from
a bar-room brawl. The guy who ran the place saw me through the window and came
running out yelling "what happened"

I have never seen any law in the state of Kansas that would prohibit an individual
from roping a deer. I suspect that this is an area that they have overlooked
entirely. Knowing, as I do, the lengths to which law enforcement personnel will go
to exercise their power, I was concerned that they may find a way to twist the
existing laws to paint my actions as criminal. I swear, not wanting to admit that I
had done something monumentally stupid played no part in my response. I told him
"I was attacked by a deer." I did not mention that at the time I had a rope on it.
The evidence was all over my body. Deer prints on the back of my jacket where it
had stomped all over me and a large deer print on my face where it had struck me
there. I asked him to call somebody to come get me. I didn't think I could make it
home on my own. He did.

Later that afternoon, a game warden showed up at my house and wanted to know about
the deer attack. Surprisingly, deer attacks are a rare thing and wildlife and parks
was interested in the event. I tried to describe the attack as completely and
accurately as I could. I was filling the grain hopper and this deer came out of no-
where and just started kicking the hell out of me and BIT me. It was obviously rabid
or insane or something. EVERYBODY for miles around knows about the deer attack
(the guy at the co-op has a big mouth).

For several weeks people dragged their kids in the house when they saw deer around
and the local ranchers carried rifles when they filled their feeders. I have told
several people the real story, but NEVER anybody around here. I have to see these
people every day and as an outsider, a "city folk", I have enough trouble fitting in
without them snickering behind my back and whispering "there goes the dumb-butt
that tried to rope the deer".

[jussmatt]

Thanks for painting a hilarious picture!!!! LOL!

[ringadingh]

I guess the guy learned a lesson that day. About 5 years ago I was walking across a carrot field going to my tree stand when I noticed a large buck a couple hundred yards away, watching me. I kept walking and it started coming my way slowly at first, then a few leaps and then a full out charge for me. I started running like mad for the treeline but was no match for it. Within a few seconds it was within about 10-15 yard behind me, I seen that I wasn't going to get away so I turned and fired at it instantly, The shot went just under the deer as I didn't have time to aim carefully , this however was enough to scare the deer, it did a backflip, then got up and ran back where it had come from. This was during the rut and I can only surmise that the deer was trying to protect his territory, or was looking for a date. This is the only time Ive ever seen a deer behave this way around people.

[dakals]

LOL idiot!!!!!

Kill em, kill em all, the sooner the better.The roads would be a lot cleaner.