RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE

**ringadingh** · 12-12-2010, 05:48 PM

1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a
Little beverage, good food and companionship
She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds.
Hers is in California , and mine is in Texas ..

3. I take my wife everywhere....
but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place
to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."

8.. She got a mud pack, and looked great for two days.
Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late
For the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!"

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her
first name was Always.

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months.
I don't like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" and I said, "Dust!"

AlabamaNomadRider · 12-12-2010, 06:03 PM

Red's show was always one of my favorites. I have several DVD's of his shows. He was so funny.

Loafer · 12-13-2010, 10:14 AM

Red was an invited guest at our home, watched many shows with my father. Lots of good laughs.

WOW! Today, if my father were alive, he would be 102 years old!

Ring, you just brought back many good memories of my dad with this post. Thanks......

**BudMan** · 12-13-2010, 10:21 AM

Haven't heard those in a long while, thanks for posting.

**minst7877** · 12-13-2010, 12:38 PM

Red Skelton also had a serious side and this is a presentation he did on the Pledge of Allegiance.

http://www.poofcat.com/july.html

jesse · 12-13-2010, 08:05 PM

Funny man who could be watched by all! No rating needed, except maybe "F" for Funny. Yes, brings back memories :) all good.

**ringadingh** · 12-13-2010, 08:20 PM

Red was one of my favorites as well, I remember sitting with my dad and watching him on our B&W TV. Funny as hell and never uttered a dirty word.
He was also a Shriner and was active in helping kids with orthopedic and severe burn problems.

**canuckrider** · 12-15-2010, 12:14 PM

Good point eveyone! All the old comedians, Red, Jack Benny, Bob Hope and the others of the day could have you splitting your gut and never utter a foul word. Of course they had to work at it because of the censorship of the day.
Not so with the stand up comics of today. They've have gotten lazy and seem to think that they can entertain you by being as foul-mouthed as possible. I guess it's a matter of "dumbing down" the humor to get the cheap laughs.

There's my rant for the day! LOL.

Loafer · 12-15-2010, 05:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by canuckrider

Good point eveyone! All the old comedians, Red, Jack Benny, Bob Hope and the others of the day could have you splitting your gut and never utter a foul word. Of course they had to work at it because of the censorship of the day.
Not so with the stand up comics of today. They've have gotten lazy and seem to think that they can entertain you by being as foul-mouthed as possible. I guess it's a matter of "dumbing down" the humor to get the cheap laughs.

There's my rant for the day! LOL.

What? No swears?

**ringadingh** · 12-15-2010, 06:04 PM

John Candy was another great comedian that could make you bust a gut and never use a foul word. I don't think any come to mind that are still alive today.

**canuckrider** · 12-16-2010, 04:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ringadingh

John Candy was another great comedian that could make you bust a gut and never use a foul word. I don't think any come to mind that are still alive today.

How about Andrew Dice Clay? NOT!!!

::) ::)

**ringadingh** · 12-16-2010, 07:30 PM

Does he even exist anymore, havn't heard anything from him in years. He was about as vulgar as they come.

Stump · 12-16-2010, 08:02 PM

Funny!

12-12-2010, 05:48 PM	#1
ringadingh Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Newmarket Ontario Canada Posts: 35,387	RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE 1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a Little beverage, good food and companionship She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays. 2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California , and mine is in Texas .. 3. I take my wife everywhere.... but she keeps finding her way back. 4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen. 5. We always hold hands If I let go, she shops. 6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair. 7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake." 8.. She got a mud pack, and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off. 9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late For the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!" 10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce. 11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always. 12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her. 13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" and I said, "Dust!" __________________ 2002 Nomad aka Bountyhunter VBA #27 VROC #18951

12-12-2010, 06:03 PM	#2
AlabamaNomadRider Sr. Contributor Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Boaz, Alabama Posts: 13,742	RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE Red's show was always one of my favorites. I have several DVD's of his shows. He was so funny. __________________ Gene Cross, Jr. Boaz, Alabama KawaNOW/VBA #1181

12-13-2010, 10:14 AM	#3
Loafer Sr. Contributor Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 18,287	RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE Red was an invited guest at our home, watched many shows with my father. Lots of good laughs. WOW! Today, if my father were alive, he would be 102 years old! Ring, you just brought back many good memories of my dad with this post. Thanks...... __________________ Gerry Martineau / 802 VT / VBA #0892 /[email]glmjgm@gmail.com[email]

12-13-2010, 10:21 AM	#4
BudMan Join Date: May 2009 Location: Greenwood, Ark. Posts: 4,736	RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE Haven't heard those in a long while, thanks for posting. __________________ Dave Jesse 2012 1700 Gray/Black Voyager 2006 1600 Nomad Green/Silver Sold VBA #1108 2010- Eureka Springs - Antlers - 2011- Maggie Valley - Antlers 2012- Margaritaville Ride - Van Buren - Antlers - 2013- Estes Park - Antlers 2014- Mountain View - Antlers - 2015- Eureka Springs - Antlers 2016- Salem - Antlers - 2017- Eureka Springs - Lake George - Antlers - 2018- Custer - Antlers

12-13-2010, 12:38 PM	#5
minst7877 Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: Michigan Posts: 1,286	RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE Red Skelton also had a serious side and this is a presentation he did on the Pledge of Allegiance. http://www.poofcat.com/july.html __________________ Me and my 99 G1 Nomad on US 2 by the Lake Michigan Shoreline. Judge's Oil Gear failed and engine overhauled @ 35563 miles VBA/KawaNOW #01625 Christian Motorcyclists Assoc. Wheels Of Destiny Chapter #735 PA Wilds NE/Eastern Canada regional rally July 2012 Eureka Springs National 2015 Rolling Thunder Washington DC 2016 NE US / E Canada Rally - Mont Tremblant, QC 2016 VRA Eastern National at Maggie Valley 2017 99 Nomad G1 gone but never forgotten traded 4/8/17 for a 2017 Indian Roadmaster

12-13-2010, 08:05 PM	#6
jesse Sr. Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Farmington, Arkansas Posts: 1,013	RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE Funny man who could be watched by all! No rating needed, except maybe "F" for Funny. Yes, brings back memories :) all good. __________________ 2012 Goldwing 80,000+ & counting 2005 Nomad 76,585 mi VBA #628 IBA #54485

12-13-2010, 08:20 PM	#7
ringadingh Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Newmarket Ontario Canada Posts: 35,387	RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE Red was one of my favorites as well, I remember sitting with my dad and watching him on our B&W TV. Funny as hell and never uttered a dirty word. He was also a Shriner and was active in helping kids with orthopedic and severe burn problems. __________________ 2002 Nomad aka Bountyhunter VBA #27 VROC #18951

12-15-2010, 12:14 PM	#8
canuckrider Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Okotoks, AB, Canada Posts: 1,090	RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE Good point eveyone! All the old comedians, Red, Jack Benny, Bob Hope and the others of the day could have you splitting your gut and never utter a foul word. Of course they had to work at it because of the censorship of the day. Not so with the stand up comics of today. They've have gotten lazy and seem to think that they can entertain you by being as foul-mouthed as possible. I guess it's a matter of "dumbing down" the humor to get the cheap laughs. There's my rant for the day! LOL. __________________ "Sun on my face, wind in my hair, sound of my bike in my ears and peace in my soul..." VBA Member #01514 2008 Nomad 1600, Blue & Silver

12-15-2010, 06:04 PM	#10
ringadingh Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Newmarket Ontario Canada Posts: 35,387	RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE John Candy was another great comedian that could make you bust a gut and never use a foul word. I don't think any come to mind that are still alive today. __________________ 2002 Nomad aka Bountyhunter VBA #27 VROC #18951

12-16-2010, 07:30 PM	#12
ringadingh Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Newmarket Ontario Canada Posts: 35,387	RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE Does he even exist anymore, havn't heard anything from him in years. He was about as vulgar as they come. __________________ 2002 Nomad aka Bountyhunter VBA #27 VROC #18951

12-16-2010, 08:02 PM	#13
Stump Sr. Member Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Scottown ohio Posts: 1,225	RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE Funny! __________________ Everyday is a holiday when you love your job, And if you don't you live in a nightmare.

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