Thoughts on Life

[AlabamaNomadRider]

#1) I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with 'Guess' on it.
So I said 'Implants?' She hit me.

#2) Marriage changes passion.
Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

#3) How come we choose from just two people to run for President and over fifty for Miss America?

#4) Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.

#5) I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!

#6) When I was young we used to go 'skinny dipping,' now I just 'chunky dunk.'

#7) Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

#8) Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !!

#9) Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?
A completely brilliant question!!!!!!!

#10) Wouldn't you know it....
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.

#11) Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside?
Another completely brilliant question!!!!


Bumper sticker of the year: 'If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it's in English, thank a soldier.'


And remember:
Life is like a roll of toilet paper.
The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

[Stump]

Good one !