Medley of Jokes

[rooster1]

A MIDGET WALKS UP TO THIS GORGEOUS, STATUESQUE BLOND IN A BAR AND SAYS, " HEY, SWEET CAKES, WHAT DO YOU SAY TO A LITTLE f**k?" THE BLOND LOOKS AT HIM AND SAYS, " HELLO, YOU LITTLE f**k!".

((Thank you, Keith))
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'What did Mr. Spock find in the toilet? The Captain''s log.',
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'There was a farmer, sitting on the front porch of his house this one hotsummer day, when this kid comes walking down the road carrying a bigbundle of wire."Hey kid!" the farmer says. "Where ya goin'' with that wire?""Well," the kid drawls, "this here ain''t just any ol'' wire, this here''schicken wire -- I''m fixin'' to catch me some chickens!""You can''t catch chickens with chicken wire!""Sure I can!" the kid says, and takes off down the road. He comes back atthe end of the day and sure enough, he''s got a whole mess of chickenscaught in his chicken wire. Well, the farmer''s sitting on his porch the next day, and the same kidcomes walking down the lane, carrying a big roll of tape. "Hey kid!" the farmer yells. "Where ya goin'' with that tape?" "Well, thishere ain''t just any ol'' tape, this here''s duck tape -- I''m fixin'' to catchme some ducks!""You can''t catch ducks with duck tape!" the farmer yells back. "Sure Ican!" the kid says, and takes off down the road. He comes back at the endof the day and again, the farmer can''t believe his eyes. The kid had awhole bunch of ducks all wrapped up tightly in his tape. The next day the farmer''s sitting on his porch again, and the kid comeswalking down the road carrying a stick. "Hey kid!" the farmer says. "Where ya goin'' with that stick?""Well, this here ain''t just any old stick, this here''s pu**y willow.""Hang on," the farmer says, "I''ll get my hat."',
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((The rest are from Toni,,,,,Thank you, Toni))
Q: Give an example of "Complete business failure due to Professional negligence"?
A: A pregnant prostitute!
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A very tall man walks into a bar, and a lady recognizes him as football player.
They start to talk, and eventually go back to his place. They start to kiss, and the man takes off his shirt.
On his arm, he has a tattoo that says REEBOK.
"What's that for?" the lady questions.
"Oh, I have this so that when I'm on TV, people will see my tattoo, and Reebok pays me." Then the man takes off his trousers, and on his leg, he has a tattoo that says NIKE.
'What's that ?' the lady questions again.
"Just like the Reebok tattoo, I get paid when this tattoo is seen on TV." Then the man drops his underwear and on his p***s he has a tattoo that says AIDS.
The lady screams: "Don't tell me you have AIDS!"
The man replies: "No, no.....!!! Calm down," "It will say ADIDAS in a minute...........!!!"
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Prince Charming walks into a tavern appearing downtrodden. Immediately, the bartender turns to him and asks why he's so glum.
"You wouldn't believe it," he replies. "I was walking through the Enchanted Forest when, suddenly I approached Snow White fast asleep on a bed of stone. The dwarf next to her tells me that she ate a poisonous apple and could only be revived through a kiss from my very lips. I gave her a peck on the cheek. Nothing. So I give her a real deep kiss while massaging her hair with my fingers. Nothing. Soon enough, I'm making passionate love to her right there in the woods when suddenly, she screams out, 'Ah yes!'"
"That's great!" the bartender excitedly replies. "Then she's alive!"
Shrugging his shoulders Prince Charming says, "Nah. She faked it."
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A lady was in the stirrups at her gynecologist's office having her annual checkup, when she heard the doctor talking to himself as he examined her: "My, what a big va***a! My, what a big va***a!"
The lady was, to put it mildly, a bit annoyed. Being the assertive type she spoke up immediately: "Doctor, I can't believe what I'm hearing! I think it's incredibly unprofessional of you to say something like that. To say such a thing once was bad
enough, but twice is outrageous!"
"I'm very sorry," replied the doctor, "please forgive me. But just to set the record straight, I only said it once. The second time was an echo."

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Outside a Church in Boston a young boy is weeping, and an old lady approaches him and says, "What's wrong, honey?"
The little boy replies between sobs, "My Grandma passed away this morning." "I'm so sorry to hear this," says the kind old lady. "Do you want me to call Father O'Riley?"
"No," replies the boy. "Sex is the last thing I have in mind."

[ringadingh]

Those are some beauties.

[AlabamaNomadRider]

Good ones.