Letter From Wal-Mart

**wompus** · 01-02-2012, 10:29 AM

AlabamaNomadRider at his best....

Mr. and Mrs. Gene Cross are retired, and Mrs. Cross insists her husband go with her to Wal-Mart. He gets so bored with all the shopping trips. He prefers to get in and get out, but Mrs. Cross loves to browse. One day Mrs. Cross gets this letter from Wal-Mart:

Dear Mrs. Cross,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may ban both of you from our stores. We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment. All complaints against Mr. Cross are listed below.

Things Mr. Gene Cross has done while his spouse was shopping in Wal-Mart:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people’s carts when they weren’t looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the ladies rest rooms.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, “Code 3 in house wares”… and watched what happened.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M’s on layaway.

6. September 14: Moved a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.

7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he’d invite them in if they’ll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks, “Why can’t you people just leave me alone?”

9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.

10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the ‘Mission Impossible’ theme.

12. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his ‘Madonna look’ using different size funnels.

13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled “PICK ME! PICK ME!”

14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams “NO! NO! It’s those voices again!”

And last, but certainly not least…

15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, “There is no toilet paper in here!”

Loafer · 01-02-2012, 10:52 AM

Duplicate? Are you still hung over?

**markclark57** · 01-02-2012, 11:10 AM

His last was on Dec. 23rd. That must have been some "bender".

Those were very creative. I might have to try a few of them in the future.

davidjmurphy · 01-02-2012, 12:00 PM

I hope they send me to sea soon!

**wompus** · 01-02-2012, 02:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Loafer

Duplicate? Are you still hung over?

Yeah, I saw that...
The board must have liked it so much it did it a second time!
Hung over? Hell, I don't drink, and if I screw up this much sober, then you sure don't want me to start drinking!!!

stator · 01-02-2012, 07:00 PM

Gene Cross... my hero! Stick it to 'em, Gene!

AlabamaNomadRider · 01-02-2012, 07:18 PM

Sounds like some crazy stuff I would have done when I was younger. Heck I might have even done some of it.

01-02-2012, 10:29 AM	#1
wompus Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Gainesville, Ga. Posts: 1,950	Letter From Wal-Mart AlabamaNomadRider at his best.... Mr. and Mrs. Gene Cross are retired, and Mrs. Cross insists her husband go with her to Wal-Mart. He gets so bored with all the shopping trips. He prefers to get in and get out, but Mrs. Cross loves to browse. One day Mrs. Cross gets this letter from Wal-Mart: Dear Mrs. Cross, Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may ban both of you from our stores. We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment. All complaints against Mr. Cross are listed below. Things Mr. Gene Cross has done while his spouse was shopping in Wal-Mart: 1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people’s carts when they weren’t looking. 2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals. 3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the ladies rest rooms. 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, “Code 3 in house wares”… and watched what happened. 5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M’s on layaway. 6. September 14: Moved a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area. 7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he’d invite them in if they’ll bring pillows from the bedding department. 8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks, “Why can’t you people just leave me alone?” 9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose. 10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are. 11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the ‘Mission Impossible’ theme. 12. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his ‘Madonna look’ using different size funnels. 13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled “PICK ME! PICK ME!” 14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams “NO! NO! It’s those voices again!” And last, but certainly not least… 15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, “There is no toilet paper in here!” __________________ Mike "WOMPUS' Nieznany 1999 Nomad "Fronkensteen" Viet Nam Vet 68-69-70 KawaNOW #00577 I'm sarcastic and have a smart ass attitude. It's a natural defense against DRAMA, BULLSHIT & STUPIDITY!!

01-02-2012, 10:52 AM	#2
Loafer Sr. Contributor Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 18,287	Duplicate? Are you still hung over? __________________ Gerry Martineau / 802 VT / VBA #0892 /[email]glmjgm@gmail.com[email]

01-02-2012, 11:10 AM	#3
markclark57 Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Phoenix, AZ Posts: 3,108	His last was on Dec. 23rd. That must have been some "bender". Those were very creative. I might have to try a few of them in the future. __________________ 2006 Vulcan 1600 Classic "George III" (Patricia's) 2006 Vulcan 1600 Nomad "Grace" (Mark's) Mark Clark VBA #1619 TaibhseDaid@Gmail.Com "Irish" @ Maricopa County Chapter of B.A.C.A. Phoenix, AZ

01-02-2012, 12:00 PM	#4
davidjmurphy Member Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: kentville Nova Scotia Canada Posts: 290	I hope they send me to sea soon! __________________ Keep your head up and your stick on the ice.

01-02-2012, 07:00 PM	#6
stator Member Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: SC Posts: 154	Gene Cross... my hero! Stick it to 'em, Gene! __________________ Stator 2012 Nomad 1700

01-02-2012, 07:18 PM	#7
AlabamaNomadRider Sr. Contributor Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Boaz, Alabama Posts: 13,742	Sounds like some crazy stuff I would have done when I was younger. Heck I might have even done some of it. __________________ Gene Cross, Jr. Boaz, Alabama KawaNOW/VBA #1181