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05-01-2017, 04:59 PM | #1 |
Sr. Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: The Newforest, England
Posts: 4,664
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The moral of the story
True story. Someone was driving past Fawley village,on the way to the beach.A black cat ran across the road,and he heard a thump,so thinking he had hit it,he stopped.He walked back,looking on the grass on the left,and found the cat.It was just laying there in the long grass,motionless,but breathing really hard.Full of remorse,and not really knowing what to do,he decided it was best to put it out of its misery.He went back to his van and got a huge spanner,and with great remorse,he twatted the cat over the head,and killed it.Almost immediately,as the cat let out a squeel,a woman stuck her head over the fence of one of the houses that back onto the road.She started screaming at him,calling him a murderer,and saying she was going to call the police.After spending ages trying to assure her that he only did what he thought was best for the cat,he drove home.That night a policeman tapped his door,and having explained,the bloke was asked to come outside to look at his van.After opening the bonnet,the policeman shone his torch inside,to reveal a pretty well fucked up black cat, wrapped around the driveshaft.It turned out that the black cat on the grass verge,was just snoring away in the sunshine,when he was twatted to death with a 7/8th Whitworth spanner.Lesson no 1,take fuck all for granted.:)
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when this you see, remember me, and bear me in your mind, let all the world say what they may, speak of me as you find. |
05-01-2017, 06:12 PM | #2 |
Top Contributor
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Ontario
Posts: 6,927
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He twatted the cat means he hit the cat.
Bonnet means hood. A torch is a flashlight. A spanner is a wrench. Taking fuck all for granted means never assume anything. Glad to help out Mick :) |
05-01-2017, 06:28 PM | #3 |
Sr. Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: The Newforest, England
Posts: 4,664
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Thank you kindly sir.We have been trying to educate our colonial cousins for generations.While you are at it,woud you mind awfully,explaining to the fuckers, that a proper gentemen, rides a motorbike,nobody drives a motorcylce.
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when this you see, remember me, and bear me in your mind, let all the world say what they may, speak of me as you find. |
05-01-2017, 06:36 PM | #4 |
Top Contributor
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Ontario
Posts: 6,927
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A bike is also known as a cycle so cant help you with that one. Both are correct.
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05-01-2017, 06:51 PM | #5 |
Sr. Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: The Newforest, England
Posts: 4,664
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Being of the mother tongue,and having the shout over all others.When it comes to an international language,English is the one chosen.
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when this you see, remember me, and bear me in your mind, let all the world say what they may, speak of me as you find. |
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