For the Ladies

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt.
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"

"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"

He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."

And they say blondes are dumb...
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A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."

The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."
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"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he steps out of the shower. "Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"

"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
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Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?

A: A rumor.
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A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day, a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good, each one of them could have one wish.

The wife wished for a trip around the
World with her husband.

Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.

The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger.

Whoosh! Immediately he turned 90.

Gotta love that fairy!
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Dear Lord,

I pray for wisdom to understand my man, love to forgive him, and patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for strength, I'll beat him to death


AMEN
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Q: Why do little boys whine?

A: They are practicing to be men.
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Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?

A: Trustworthy.
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Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?

A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
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Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?

A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
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Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?

A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals."