Random thoughts on death and dying

[nomad1600]

Don't know what to say that hasn't already been said in the above posts. I didn't know Chuck personally but as was said above, here on this forum you get to know people without ever meeting them face to face. But when something happens such as this it is truly felt by everyone. May God keep the family strong and may Chuck Rest in Peace.
Aaron

[hollywood]

Thanks for this post

My grandparents died one week apart and at the time is was extremely hard on the family but in hindsight it was the absolute best thing that could have happened. Neither of them wanted to be without the other one. And I believe they are together even now.

Everytime I get on my bike, I think "Is today the day?" I don't dwell on it. The thought goes away as quick as it comes. I think it's my way of making sure I'm careful. But like my Dad used to say - "It's not your skill or carefullness I worry about - it's the other guy."

Chuck died the way he was suppose to. The way I am suppose to die has not been revealed to me yet. I really hope it's not in some nursing home surrounded by people who don't care about me. I have already beaten cancer once so I have a new outlook on life. I am gonna live it on my terms and not how society dictates it to me. I am not a thrill seeker but I'm not afraid to live life to it's fullest. After all it is the journey and not the destination that matters.
both on the bike and in life.

[schoeney]

Great posts everyone....I lost my Mom to Alzheimeirs last year. She was in a home for 8 years...bedridden the last 2. I will take the head on in a heartbeat to avoid that. Those 8 years were h*ll on both my Mom and Dad...not to mention the helplessness the family felt.

[tkd]

Being new to the street riding scene and having been out of the bike scene for a while, I can tell you that some of the recent posts have made me ponder a few points.

As many of you said, I did not know Chuck at all, but I can respect his style. There is never a good time for anyone to pass, but there might be some comfort in knowing that he was doing what he had a passion for when he stopped being with us.

It certainly has made me think about my mortality a little bit as has biking in general. We all choose to get on a bike, no one forces us. Everyone one of us is inherently aware of the dangers and choose to accept them to some point. The only thing we can have some degree of control over is the amount of risk we expose ourselves to, at least in some fashion based on riding habits and styles.

In some strange way, we are a big disconnected family. I'm new here, but I felt strangely at home because of a common bond. Kind of like the way you get waves from so many other riders regardless of whether they are on a moped or the gnarliest custom on the planet. Almost a brotherhood. I think it's that same brotherhood effect that makes us all sad when a member passes. It brings us one step closer to the potential reality that we all know is lurking, but yet we dare to defy on a daily basis.

As many have said, when the time comes our existence will cease to be, sometimes abruptly, sometimes a little each day. It's not my place to say which is better, but in my heart, I know which is best for me.

The more I think about the recent events, the more I realize that riding makes me appreciate what I have and what I have done because lurking around the next curve is the nodding truck driver, the new gravel, or any of a host of other things that could take the experience of life from me.

I have always had a little something inside that has said "are you experiencing everything you could to the fullest"? I'm not old by any means, but lately I've been able to answer that question with the response "Maybe I haven't experienced everything to the fullest, but I'm pretty fortunate for all the things I have experienced".

For me, the recent events on the board have helped me decide to appreciate that I have experienced and enjoy what is happening today, because there is no guarantee that next month will ever get here.

Proud to be Kawanow junior member.

[donguer]

Well said tkd. Well said EVERYONE!

[cactusjack]

Originally Posted by tkd

...Proud to be Kawanow junior member.

Nope. You are a full-fledged member now! Congrats!

[tkd]

Didn't even realize CJ--thanks. At least the post that made me a "full member' came from the heart and wasn't wasted on something else.

[aj]

+1 to you all. Like me I'm sure there are plenty that have read these words and felt they couldn't add anything more.
Cheers

[blowndodge]

It's funny if you take the summation answers of all these post, you get the question; why do we ride?. I can tell its obvious to us all!!! Well said everyone, well said..

[bigdaddy]

Being a pastor, I deal with sickness and dying on a regular basis. I have never gotten used to it, and I almost never really know what to say. Yes, we are trained to bring comfort and encouragement to the bereaved, and for the most part it is accepted with gratitude; however, from my side of it, I always feel like I have made an inadequate contribution....and it's true. What I am coming to realize is that death is best understood in relation to the life of the one that is lost. I was listening to Professor Pausch who recently died. He said that it is not the number of years that you live that is important, but what you do with the years that you have. He then added that "It's not the things that we have done that we should be ashamed of, but the things that we failed to do." I did not know Chuck, but I have come to know about him from reading about his death through these posts. He seemed to be a man that made the most of life and truly injected himself into the lives of others in a positive way. Though a tragic loss for all, we can take comfort in the fact that his was a life well-lived. Blessings and Prayers...Revelation 21:4

Death Is Nothing At All

I have only slipped away into
the next room.
I am I, and you are you,
Whatever we were to each other,
that we still are.
Call me by the old familiar name.
Speak of me the easy way
which you always used.
Put no difference into your tone.
Wear no forced air of solemnity
or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed,
at the little jokes we
enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me,
pray for me.
Let my name ever be the
household word that it always was.
Let it be spoken without an effort,
without the ghost of a
shadow upon it.
Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same as it ever was.
There is absolute and
unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind
because I am out of sight?
I am only waiting for you
for an interval,
somewhere very near,
just around the corner.
All is well!

[socwkbiker]

Great poem smokey! :'( :'(

[dui546]

Originally Posted by BIG Daddy

Being a pastor, I deal with sickness and dying on a regular basis. I have never gotten used to it, and I almost never really know what to say.

As a crash investigator, I had solid visions of Chuck's crash from my experience in dealing with other motorcycle fatalities. I have seen many people both die in my presence and that were DRT (dead right there). In fact, a nurse in one of our emergency rooms was referring to me as the death cop. What a title! :(" title="" border="0"/> She has actually told new people that if I enter the door after the patient their chances of living were not good. It was an unfair label.

HOWEVER, I will tell you this from what I learned. Live today like it is your last. Never leave or let someone you care about leave after an argument or on bad terms. It might be the last time you see them and you or they will have to re-live that last conversation over and over again in your or their mind.

I've had the misfortune of being the one to deliver the news of deaths to those left behind. It is the worst thing you can do to another human being. I learned that people process a death notice in different but similar ways. I could share very different reactions but, out of respect, I will not.

The fact is that YOU were guaranteed one thing the day you were born. Someday your body will die. With death, you have a choice. You can celebrate the persons life or fall into the trap of mourning the depths of death which takes away from your days of living. As far as for the one that is dead; it cannot change the outcome and makes no difference. They have moved on.

In my experience with death I have witnessed the dying seeing things as they die that are extraordinary and unexplainable. I have faith that there is journey beyond the physical confinements of our world. I know that someday I will have my own experience in it. My time might be tomorrow or when I go to WalMart to get dog food tonight. YOU will never know until that time is upon you.

However, I am at peace with it because I am living my life as if each day were my last. I don't need a doctor giving me an expiration date to start living. It is sad and Chuck will be missed more by some than others. But, I envy Chuck's departure. I would hope that someday I'll too be able to "go out on top" doing something that I love as he did.

I am not trying to push religion but, Jesus said, "Let the dead bury the dead." In making death notifications I have come to adopt that phrase as true gospel. Some people cannot see beyond the grave. There is nothing we can say to bring comfort to them or pull them out of that pit. Others have belief and grasp onto their faith that the person that died is alive in some way or some form.

My educational thought, "Energy cannot be created nor destroyed, it can only be transformed." The reactions I see in the eyes of the receiver define the inner understanding of life. A death is an excellent time to reflect on the one that passed but more importantly, on ourselves.

In short, ride safe...live life...and die happy. Here's to you Chuck!

[macmac]

The post above by dui546, made me recall when everyone was dropping like flies in 'our family'.

My wife was all upset, and I came out with "We do what we do for the living, and for the dead we do what we can.. Somehow that had the effect I needed.

Like some I once feared death, but no more. I can be a ruthless SOB, and if not for the law, which as I see things has no bee's wax in death, would have shot my dying father upon his request. He asked, begged is more like it. The cancer he has was untreatable and he was in pain. He simply made up his mind to not drink and that finally did it. he was allergic to all the drugs and I can't even say here what the effect was. He was a non smoker all his life too.

In fact this was the very first time in his whole life he was even ill. He passed on my wife's birthday, and while in life we didn't get along very well, in death we sure do. Just before he passed he told me a few things I was hoping to hear.

So I really don't think anyone can make up their mind before time. My Dad was a Submariner in the Pacific Theater during WW-2. If I could have asked him before he was ill I know what the answer would have been, and he would have been wrong.

Like Mac, my dad died of cancer when I was 47. He was in some pain for 6 months, but for the last week of his life the pain was really bad, and the last few days it probably would have been so bad he'd have been screaming to death and I might have done pretty much what Mac said. Fortunately he had a doctor that gave him a big prescription for synthetic morphine patches, and I just gave the whole box to him when it got really bad. Basically he went to sleep and that was it. When he stopped breathing I hugged him one last time and called the undertaker. I was in a bit of shock and I forgot to take all those patches off his body before they came. The undertaker surely knew he'd O.D.'d, but nothing was ever said.

Some morons think Kervorkian is a killer. Those same morons would call what I did murder. They'd call what Dad did suicide. People that never had to put a wounded beast out of its misery, or perform a mercy killing...people that never saw an animal writhe in agony...people that have never heard a person cry out in mortal agony...well those people would simply never understand. I handed him those patches, and it was the same as if I'd handed him a loaded revolver. I hope to God one of you would do the same for me if it ever came to that.