Random thoughts on death and dying

[dantama]

The way I dealt with Chuck's death was just by reading posts and not posting much. Kind of a just sit back and observe and process type of a thing. After sitting back and processing, I'll put down some random thoughts I had while processing. Beware, it's long'

I didn't know Chuck one bit. Didn't know his personality or anything. I knew his ostrich avatar better than I knew him :) I first saw mention of his death on the staff forum and at first thought something like, "this is over the line, how is he going to make this joke not offensive?" Then realized it wasn't an offensive joke, a member really did die.

When I participated on VROC for many years, I experienced member deaths such as Wolfman and Snake and others. I remember consciously thinking out that sooner of later, somebody here was going to die, but was enjoying the fact that this was a young enough board that nobody had died.

The social scientist/cultural anthropologist side of me finds it strange to feel strong emotions about the deaths of people whom I have never met and don't know. I don't get worked up about celebrity deaths, I don't know the people; so it's not in my nature to get emotionally involved in the deaths of people that I don't know.

I didn't know Chuck, and as I said I knew his avatar better than I knew him. But the emotions that I felt were real. Somehow a person that I only knew on the Internet, and only knew because he happened to have the same model of bike as I do, was effecting me. As I said, the social scientist/cultural anthropologist side of me finds it strange to feel those emotions knowing that they came about through technology that I hadn't ever used nine years ago.

But the emotions were real, so knowing people on the Internet really does effect our lives. These relationships become real even when you haven't met.

That all said, reading all the pages of Chuck's blog was interesting and I know him a lot better after reading it. I would have liked him in person I'm sure. I'm drawn to people who value substance over image. I don't know if Chuck would find it complimentary, but I see him as a motorcyclist, not a biker. Too many bikers and not enough motorcyclists IMO. Chuck seemed to be about enjoying riding, not looking like a bad ass. I like that.

As to his death, without trying to sound insensitive, it was a good death. Those that went on the CO550 ride know what I mean. We discussed death and dying on that ride over dinner. I said that the death that I wanted was to know that I'm going just seconds before it happens, then be gone. I related that getting in a crash with an 18 wheeler that swerved into my lane would be a good death. I would know that I'm going, but not have time to worry and suffer. So from my perspective, Chuck had a good death.

I know that many don't see death the way I do, but for me, I don't know what the rush to stay alive is all about. It's like some kind of race to see who can be the oldest. I'm not running in that race.

For many, the life cycle starts at being an infant, maturing, declining, and turning back into an infant. I don't want to go back out as an infant getting my diapers changed. I want to go out on top (don't worry, I'm not suicidal).

A quarter back that I liked was Steve Young of the 49rs. He was a multi time Superbowl champion who got worried about too many concussions and went out a champion at the top of his game. That's how I want to go. I don't want to be like the quarter backs who decline and get traded around until they are 4th string somewhere, then get to the point where nobody will even have them. I see life a bit like that, go out on top.

So I'm not running in the race to see who can get to be the oldest and I have a living will to try to prevent somebody from trying to make me enter that race. When my chance comes, I'm outta here :)

That all said, it is sad that Chuck has passed and will be difficult for his family to live without him. But it sounds like he lived a good life, was a good person, and went out in a good way doing what he loved. If I could be so lucky to go that way, not deteriorating with alzheimer's and turning into an infant.

So after being quiet for a while and thinking about his death, these are just some random thoughts about death and dying.

God speed Chuck.