One Liners

[Todd]

What is a Yankee?

The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.




Why is divorce so expensive?

Because it's worth it.



What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?

Doughnuts



Why is air a lot like sex?

Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.



What do you call a smart blonde?

A golden retriever.



What do attorneys use for birth control?

Their personalities.



What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?

10 years and 45 lbs



What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?

45 minutes



What's the fastest way to a man's heart?

Through his chest with a sharp knife.



Why do men want to marry virgins?

They can't stand criticism.



Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive,

caring, and good-looking?

Because those men already have boyfriends.



What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?

After a year, the dog is still excited to see you



What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.



Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?

Because they have cotton balls.



What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?

A porcupine has the pricks on the outside. (Sorry, hope no one drives a BMW!!)



What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?

"Are you sure it's mine?"



Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?

Mace will do that to you.



Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ?

Everyone has the same DNA.



Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

Boobs don't have eyes.



Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?

Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.



What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?

They're hiring.



What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?



A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of

the cage along with... "a recipe".



How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?

Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO* first!



What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?

A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time ..." -A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this sh*t....

CASE IN POINT!!! TOO FUNNY!!

Why don't women ever fart?

They never shut their mouth long enough to build up any pressure!

Biker Babes (had to happen)
MachoDC (Nico) Replies 67 Views 574
by MachoDC (Nico)





574 Views? LOL

[socwkbiker]

Of course Nico! They're looking for the interesting comments.

[Todd]

Have there been many comments....I only read the pictures.

<marquee> </marquee>

[socwkbiker]

All right Nico, I've joined you as a senior member.

Doesn't it feel great?? Let's still b nice to the mortal pions!!



<marquee> SMITE ME!!!</marquee>

[socwkbiker]

If you insist...

Unavoidable Laws


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

These are the unavoidable laws of the natural universe...

1. Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.

2. Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

3. Law of probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4. Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

5. Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

6. Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now. (works every time).

7. Bath Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

8. Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

9. Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

10. Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

11. Theater Rule: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

12. Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

13. Murphy's Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

14. Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich of landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness, color and cost of the carpet/rug.

15. Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are.

16. Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

17. Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

18. Oliver's Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet.

19. Wilson's Law: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

Never fails.........

[socwkbiker]

How true!

SWB, I just got to my office.. got off the Nomad and looked across the street...... a new Hair Braiding business just opened up (this is not a racial/ethnic comment)........ I looked at the sign and the name of the place is "SWB Hair Extensions"...... too funny!! :)

[socwkbiker]

That's awesome! Didn't know I had my own business. I wonder how clients would react since I'm bald?

[socwkbiker]