Family Refrigerator Notes

[Loafer]

The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.

Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.....

One more thing, staring at me while I eat to try to direct my mind to give you my food will not work (usually). I am too old and too tired. Go stare at the kids. They are younger and more susceptible to mind control. If you don't believe me, notice how they all dress alike so they can be individuals.

Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:

TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:

(1) They live here. You don't.
(2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture.
(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.


Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

(1) eat less,
(2) don't ask for money all the time,
(3) are easier to train,
(4) normally come when called,
(5) never ask to drive the car,
(6) don't hang out with drug-using people;
(7) don't smoke or drink,
(8) don't want to wear your clothes,
(9) don't have to buy the latest fashions,
(10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and
(11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children







love generously, care deeply, and speak kindly.

[george james]

Some i don't like some i do, this 1 i like.......

[AlabamaNomadRider]

Very good Gerry. I liked it.

[ringadingh]

They have there good points

[bendusty]

The one I relate to most is " I like my pets a lot better than I like most people." including family.

[waterman]

Originally Posted by Loafer

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

This one fits our dogs to a TEE.

[Loafer]

Glad some still enjoy a lil' humor

[nomadtom69]

my daughter said when she moved out I replaced her with a dog (for all the above reasons)

[Kedosto]

Originally Posted by Loafer

...TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:

(1) They live here. You don't....

I've actually said that to someone in my home.

(There's something particularly annoying to me when people want to tell me what/how/why I need to do something about one of our pets, when in fact - they live here, you don't, get over it.)

Not to threadjack, but so typical here in California -- residents of the city of Berkeley are no longer pet owners, they're "guardians" because it's somehow not right that an individual can "own" a living being. I own a small rental property that was inundated with feral cats and the city told me that my only option was to trap them (humanely), take them to a veterinarian and get them spayed/neutered (at my expense) and release them back on my own property "because it's their native environment."

Ask me what happened to the cats and I'll take the 5th.

[Loafer]

Hahahahaha..............................