A message from her majesty

[mick56]

·




A MESSAGE FROM THE QUEEN
To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II
In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except North Dakota, which she does not fancy).
Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
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1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').
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2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'
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3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
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4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.
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5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
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6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
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7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.
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8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.
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9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
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10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialect in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.
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11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).
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12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.
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13.. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
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14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).
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15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.
God Save the Queen!

[Atom]

Anyone else read that in an old lady voice??

[OldSchool]

I wonder if they realize they will be getting Trump and Palin and Hillary and Bill as citizens of the crown.

[cnc]

Originally Posted by OldSchool

I wonder if they realize they will be getting Trump and Palin and Hillary and Bill as citizens of the crown.

I believe they are the main reason for this message from the Queen.

[dank]

Gosh! Maybe this will enable us to develop of dominant economy and become a major world power like Canada, too!!!

[Scootergptx]

Hmmmm. No mention of a wall.

[Demolition Man]

*** IRONIC MOD ON ***



Britain ? Ah, that small funny country or should I say island in the north sea, which got ridicolous foods and eating manners and for sure, where the people are not able to drive on the RIGHT side of the streets ? More frickin' gun laws than frickin' germany ?

Hm, no thank you !

HAVE FUN - Each to his own !


Cu,
Sven

[mick56]

[QUOTE=Demolition Man;658307]*** IRONIC MOD ON ***



Britain ? Ah, that small funny country or should I say island in the north sea, which got ridicolous foods and eating manners and for sure, where the people are not able to drive on the RIGHT side of the streets ? More frickin' gun laws than frickin' germany ?

Hm, no thank you !

HAVE FUN - Each to his own !


Actually,her Majesty's subjects do drive on the RIGHT side of the road,
and were doing so long before anyone ever thought of discovering,and then naming that far off continent,America.And heres why.

http://www.worldstandards.eu/cars/driving-on-the-left/


We also prefer to settle our disagreements like Gentlemen.We opt to beat the shit out of each other,rather than blow each others brains out.

http://www.departmentv.net/wp-conten...es_boxeurs.jpg

[Demolition Man]

Originally Posted by mick56

Actually,her Majesty's subjects do drive on the RIGHT side of the road,
and were doing so long before anyone ever thought of discovering,and then naming that far off continent,America.And heres why.

http://www.worldstandards.eu/cars/driving-on-the-left/


We also prefer to settle our disagreements like Gentlemen.We opt to beat the shit out of each other,rather than blow each others brains out.

http://www.departmentv.net/wp-conten...es_boxeurs.jpg

For sure, I know, why the british people are driving on the wrong side. Horses and knights are gone already, but nobody in the empire recognized it.

Ad for the fighting as gentleman, your right, but burglars, intruder, robbers, carjackers, rapist and similar subjects are no gentleman, so there is no need to get into gentleman box fight - just kick their asses with a nice .45 !

Why carry a .45 ? Because a cop is too heavy and they don't make a .46 !



Cu,
Sven

[mick56]

Originally Posted by Demolition Man

For sure, I know, why the british people are driving on the wrong side. Horses and knights are gone already, but nobody in the empire recognized it.

Ad for the fighting as gentleman, your right, but burglars, intruder, robbers, carjackers, rapist and similar subjects are no gentleman, so there is no need to get into gentleman box fight - just kick their asses with a nice .45 !

Why carry a .45 ? Because a cop is too heavy and they don't make a .46 !



Cu,
Sven

Ahh,but we have hundreds of years of history of the preference for being on the left,as was explained in the link i provided.And speaking off living in the ancient past,when are you blokes going to adopt the metric measurement system.Could that be why nobody buys your exports,even your nuts dont fit anyone elses bolts
Of all the countries in the world, only three backwaters still use the archaic Imperial system of weights and measures:

• Liberia
• Myanmar (a.k.a. “the country formerly known as Burma”)
• United States

I have to agree on the second point though.Arseholes who break into peoples homes should definitely be shot.

[Demolition Man]

Okay, one point is cleared ! The second one !

Let get the first one checked :

Metric system ? I think, WE have the metric system since I can think back. We also have liters and kilogramm since I can think ! Don't believe it ? For sure, check my profile ! Hannover, germany IS Hannover in the federal republic of germany in the frickin' european community ! Just around the corner of of south britain !

But I have heard from several sources, that they already started in the states to change to the metrical system. Especially in the automobile industry.



Cu,
Sven

[CajunVulcan]

[QUOTE=mick56;658433]

Originally Posted by Demolition Man

We also prefer to settle our disagreements like Gentlemen.We opt to beat the shit out of each other,rather than blow each others brains out.

http://www.departmentv.net/wp-conten...es_boxeurs.jpg

We used to beat the shit out of each other here also Mick, Now our young girls are doing it and killing each other!
http://www.foxnews.com/us/2016/04/27...suspended.html

I am getting too old to be a "gentleman" anymore.

[Scootergptx]

As long as you can run over 1500fps, you don't have to worry about being shot.

[mick56]

Originally Posted by Demolition Man

Okay, one point is cleared ! The second one !

Let get the first one checked :

Metric system ? I think, WE have the metric system since I can think back. We also have liters and kilogramm since I can think ! Don't believe it ? For sure, check my profile ! Hannover, germany IS Hannover in the federal republic of germany in the frickin' european community ! Just around the corner of of south britain !

But I have heard from several sources, that they already started in the states to change to the metrical system. Especially in the automobile industry.



Cu,
Sven

A deutshlander eh,you should know better than to ridicule this funny little island in the middle of the atlantic,we kicked your arses 3 times so far.And we are about to do it again on may 23rd,when we vote to leave your 4th reich,and watch as you are over run with the muslims that herr merkel has invited in.Would you mind awfully if we kept your wonderfull metric system though,that seems to work rather well old chap.

https://i.guim.co.uk/img/static/Guar...sm=12&fit=max&

I understand the Americans have discovered modern suspension systems for their cars too.Some have even stopped using the leaf springs that their ancestors put on their Mule carts.

[Demolition Man]

Originally Posted by mick56

A deutshlander eh,you should know better than to ridicule this funny little island in the middle of the atlantic,we kicked your arses 3 times so far.And we are about to do it again on may 23rd,when we vote to leave your 4th reich,and watch as you are over run with the muslims that herr merkel has invited in.Would you mind awfully if we kept your wonderfull metric system though,that seems to work rather well old chap.

https://i.guim.co.uk/img/static/Guar...sm=12&fit=max&

I understand the Americans have discovered modern suspension systems for their cars too.Some have even stopped using the leaf springs that their ancestors put on their Mule carts.

I dont care about britain leaving the EU. In my opinion the german should never joined it. I would like to have the germans to step out and get our DeutscheMark back instead of this casino money called Euro.

I am born and raised in germany, but my heart is beating for the states since I was a young boy. Sometime I think, I'm more american than german.

But . . .



Cu,
Sven