Joke of the day

[socwkbiker]

How To Clean Your Toilet

1. Put both lids of the toilet up & add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.

2. Pick up the cat & soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet & close both lids.
You may need to stand on the lid.

4. The cat will self agitate & make ample suds. Never mind the noises coming from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.

5. Flush 3 or 4 times. This provides a "power-wash" & rinse".

6. Have someone open the front door. Be sure there are no people between the bathroom & the door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, & quickly lift both lids.

8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, & run outside where he will dry himself off.

9. Both the toilet & the cat will be sparkling clean.

[socwkbiker]

A TEXAS AIR TRAFFIC CONTROL


You gotta love this one!

Dallas ATC: "Tower to Saudi Air 911--You are cleared to land eastbound on
runway 9R."

Saudi Air: "Thank you Dallas ATC. Acknowledge cleared to land on infidel's
runway 9R --Allah be Praised !!"

Dallas ATC: "Tower to Iran Air 711--You are cleared to land westbound on
runway 9R."

Iran Air: "Thank you Dallas ATC. We are cleared to land on infidel's runway
9R.- -Allah is Great !!"

Pause: Static.............

Saudi Air: " DALLAS ATC ! DALLAS ATC !!! "

Dallas ATC: "Go ahead Saudi Air 911?"

Saudi Air: "YOU HAVE CLEARED BOTH OUR AIRCRAFT FOR THE SAME RUNWAY GOING IN
OPPOSITE DIRECTIONS !!! WE ARE ON A COLLISION COURSE !!! INSTRUCTIONS
PLEASE!!!

Dallas ATC: "Well bless your hearts. Y'all be careful now and tell Allah 'hey' for us -- ya hear?

Not sure if hat deserves Karma or a Smite!!!!! ???


<marquee> </marquee>

I like it, I like it!

[socwkbiker]

A little boy came home from school one day
slightly confused. His mother was Jewish and his father was black.

So he asks, "Mommy, am I more Jewish or more
Black?"
"What does it really matter? If you want to know for sure you'll just have to ask your father".

So, when his father got home, he asks the same question, "Daddy, am I more Jewish or more Black?"

"What the hell kind of a question is that? Why do
you want to know if you're more Jewish or more black?" asks his
dad.

"Well, it's like this, Dad. Tommy down the street
wants to sell his bicycle for $50, and I don't know whether to
Jew his ass down to $25, or wait until it's dark and steal the
motherf**ker."

<marquee>Smack!!! ;)</marquee>

[dharris]

Good Stuff

[socwkbiker]

A man appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

"Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked.

"Well, I can think of one thing," the man offered. "Once, on a trip to the
Black Hills of South Dakota, I came upon a gang of mean bikers who were
threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they
wouldn't listen.

"So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked
him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw
it on the ground. I yelled, "Now, back off, or I'll kick the sh*t out of
all of you!"

St. Peter was impressed. "When did this happen?"

"Just a couple of minutes ago."

[socwkbiker]

This big ugly biker walks into the bar with a parrot on his shoulder,
orders a beer and a shot. The bartender sets him up and says,
"That's really cool, where did you get him?"

"Sturgis." Replied the parrot, "They're all over the friggin place!"

[socwkbiker]

Crash, the Biker, walks into a pharmacy & says to the pharmacist, "Listen, I have three biker babes coming over tonight. I've never had three biker babes at once, & I need something to keep me horny, keep me potent."

The pharmacist reaches under the counter, unlocks the bottom drawer & takes out a small cardboard box marked with a label "Viagra Extra Strength" & says, "Here, if you eat this, you'll go NUTS for 12 hours!"

The next day, Crash rides down to the same pharmacy, walks right up to the same pharmacist & pulls down his pants.

The pharmacist looks in horror as he notices that Crash's Johnson is black & blue with the skin hanging off in some places.

Crash says, "Gimme a bottle of Ben Gay."

The pharmacist replies, "BEN GAY?! You're not going to put Ben Gay on
your dick while it's in that condition?"

Crash says, "No, it's for my arms, the girls didn't show up."

[socwkbiker]

A biker is riding along a country lane, when a sparrow flies up in front of him. The biker can't do anything and hits the sparrow. As he looks in his rear view mirror, he sees the sparrow lying in the road. Being the kind of guy he is, he stops, picks up the sparrow and takes it home and puts it in a cage, still in a coma. When the sparrow wakes up the following morning, he looks through the bars of the cage and says, "sh*t, I must have killed the biker".

[socwkbiker]

A ten year-old boy was walking down the street when a big man on a black motorcycle, pulls up beside him and asks, "Hey kid, wanna go for a ride?"

"No!", said the boy, and he kept on walking. The motorcyclist pulls up to him again and says, "Hey kid,, I'll give you $10 if you hop on the back"

"NO!" said the boy and proceeded down the street a little quicker.

The motorcyclist pulls up to the boy again and says, "Ok kid, I'll give you $20 and a BIG bag of candy if you hop on the back for a ride."

At this point the boy turns around to him and screams angrily, "Look Dad, YOU bought the Honda, so YOU ride it!!

[socwkbiker]

A nasty old biker named "TAZ" walks into a bank and says to the woman at the teller window "I want to open a damn checking account."

The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?"

"Listen up, damn it. I said I want to open a damn checking account now!"

"I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this bank."The teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to inform him of her situation. The manager agrees that the teller does not have to listen to that foul language.

They both return to the window and the manager asks the old biker, "Sir, what seems to be the problem here?"

"There is no damn problem," the man says. "I just won 50 million dollars in the damn lottery and I want to open a damn checking account in this damn bank!"

"I see, " says the manager, "and is this bitch giving you a hard time?"

[socwkbiker]

Pregnant dog? lmao!! How about bi**h?

A nasty old biker named "TAZ" walks into a bank and says to the woman at the teller window "I want to open a d**n checking account."

The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?"

"Listen up, d**n it. I said I want to open a d**n checking account now!"

"I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this bank."The teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to inform him of her situation. The manager agrees that the teller does not have to listen to that foul language.

They both return to the window and the manager asks the old biker, "Sir, what seems to be the problem here?"

"There is no d**n problem," the man says. "I just won 50 million dollars in the d**n lottery and I want to open a d**n checking account in this d**n bank!"

"I see, " says the manager, "and is this pregnant dog giving you a hard time?"