Extracts from the secret diaries of cats

Loafer · 12-11-2011, 05:01 PM

DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from shredding on the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant and cough it up on the carpeting.
DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair... must try this on their bed (again).
DAY 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.
DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in
attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was ...Hmmm. Not working according to plan...
DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth and the tiny bit of flesh under my claws.
DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue (something akin to mole speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured.
But I can wait; it is only a matter of time....

**wompus** · 12-11-2011, 10:59 PM

Day 1.. wife brought home a small cat.

Day 2.. cat somehow got under my truck tire... dead cat.

Loafer · 12-12-2011, 06:19 AM

Stranger things have happened in Georgia.
http://www.cbsatlanta.com/story/1601...arder-arrested

stator · 12-12-2011, 02:28 PM

This is all I have to say...

Loafer · 12-12-2011, 04:03 PM

Hahahaha....

**wompus** · 12-12-2011, 05:24 PM

That's just plain sick!!!

(Both of those posts!)

.

AlabamaNomadRider · 12-12-2011, 07:59 PM

Thought Gerry's post was funny.

Loafer · 12-12-2011, 08:47 PM

Why of course it was.....

12-11-2011, 05:01 PM	#1
Loafer Sr. Contributor Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 18,287	Extracts from the secret diaries of cats DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from shredding on the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant and cough it up on the carpeting. DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair... must try this on their bed (again). DAY 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night. DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was ...Hmmm. Not working according to plan... DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth and the tiny bit of flesh under my claws. DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage. DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue (something akin to mole speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait; it is only a matter of time.... __________________ Gerry Martineau / 802 VT / VBA #0892 /[email]glmjgm@gmail.com[email]

12-11-2011, 10:59 PM	#2
wompus Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Gainesville, Ga. Posts: 1,950	Day 1.. wife brought home a small cat. Day 2.. cat somehow got under my truck tire... dead cat. __________________ Mike "WOMPUS' Nieznany 1999 Nomad "Fronkensteen" Viet Nam Vet 68-69-70 KawaNOW #00577 I'm sarcastic and have a smart ass attitude. It's a natural defense against DRAMA, BULLSHIT & STUPIDITY!!

12-12-2011, 06:19 AM	#3
Loafer Sr. Contributor Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 18,287	Stranger things have happened in Georgia. http://www.cbsatlanta.com/story/1601...arder-arrested __________________ Gerry Martineau / 802 VT / VBA #0892 /[email]glmjgm@gmail.com[email]

12-12-2011, 02:28 PM	#4
stator Member Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: SC Posts: 154	This is all I have to say... __________________ Stator 2012 Nomad 1700

12-12-2011, 04:03 PM	#5
Loafer Sr. Contributor Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 18,287	Hahahaha.... __________________ Gerry Martineau / 802 VT / VBA #0892 /[email]glmjgm@gmail.com[email]

12-12-2011, 05:24 PM	#6
wompus Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Gainesville, Ga. Posts: 1,950	That's just plain sick!!! (Both of those posts!) . __________________ Mike "WOMPUS' Nieznany 1999 Nomad "Fronkensteen" Viet Nam Vet 68-69-70 KawaNOW #00577 I'm sarcastic and have a smart ass attitude. It's a natural defense against DRAMA, BULLSHIT & STUPIDITY!!

12-12-2011, 07:59 PM	#7
AlabamaNomadRider Sr. Contributor Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Boaz, Alabama Posts: 13,742	Thought Gerry's post was funny.

12-12-2011, 08:47 PM	#8
Loafer Sr. Contributor Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 18,287	Why of course it was..... __________________ Gerry Martineau / 802 VT / VBA #0892 /[email]glmjgm@gmail.com[email]