Any Engineer's Out There?

[Loafer]

Understanding Engineers #1


Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said to me, "Take what you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fitted you anyway."


Understanding Engineers #2

To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.


Understanding Engineers #3

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him." He said, "Hello George, What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play free anytime!"
The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if here's anything she can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

Understanding Engineers #4

What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.


Understanding Engineers #5

The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Understanding Engineers #6

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.


Understanding Engineers #7

An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want."
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog - now that's cool."


And Finally

Two repairmen were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top.

A female engineer walked by and asked what they were doing.

"We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said Sven, "but we don't have a ladder."

The engineer took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her pocketbook, took a measurement, announced, "Twenty one feet, six inches," and walked away.

One repairman shook his head and laughed, "A lot of good that does us. We ask for the height and she gives us the length!"

Both men have since been removed from their repair jobs and are currently elected politicians.

[tomm]

Speaking as an engineer . . . . . . . .

So, what's your point???????

[Rasta]

His point is he is retired and has time to find us stuff to thing about..... like becoming politicians :)

[waterman]

Loafer must have the arts degree.

[Rasta]

Originally Posted by waterman

Loafer must have the arts degree.

Lol That's not mice waterman! He is Loafer after all

[nomadtom69]

EX Locomotive Engr here would have not took bicycle or clothes LOL

[Sin City Stan]

Seems to be all logical answers and conclusions to me.

[Loafer]

ARTS Degree? Who are you kidding? I was too lazy for that shit.
It takes a special kind of person to have been as successful as me,
and never accomplished anything and got paid for it.

[Rasta]

Originally Posted by Loafer

ARTS Degree? Who are you kidding? I was too lazy for that shit.
It takes a special kind of person to have been as successful as me,
and never accomplished anything and got paid for it.

You did give the artist the loaf to do his job tho

[ringadingh]

[id-man]

Do you know the difference between an architect and an engineer?
An architect knows a little bit about a whole lot of stuff while an engineer knows a whole lot about a small amount of stuff. As time goes on the architect knows less and less about more and more till he eventually knows nothing about everything. Likewise as time goes on the engineer knows more and more about less and less till eventually he knows everything about nothing.

Maybe that's why you find lots of architects and engineers in local politics later in life.