|
|
If this is your first visit to our new forum (est. 9.20.11) and you're already registered on the old forum, you'll have to request a new password in order to log in here. To do so, please Click Here and fill in the proper info. You must use the email address that you originally registered with on the old forum. You will then be emailed a new password (if you don't see it, please check your spam/junk folder). If you have any problems at all, please email us at mail@VulcanBagger.com. Thanks! |
09-09-2010, 10:18 AM | #1 |
Sr. Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Itchycoo Park
Posts: 3,422
|
How to poop at work.
We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at work.
CROP DUSTING When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants. FLY BY The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom. ESCAPEE A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy. JAILBREAK When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred. COURTESY FLUSH The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the water. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME. WALK OF SHAME Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH. OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under his or her arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom. THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN) A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS. SAFE HAVENS A seldom-used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom. TURD BURGLAR Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poop at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact. CAMO-COUGH A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE. ASTAIRE A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace. WATERMELON A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH! |
09-09-2010, 11:40 AM | #2 |
Sr. Contributor
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 18,287
|
How to poop at work.
Glad I never worked in an office. ::)
__________________
Gerry Martineau / 802 VT / VBA #0892 /[email]glmjgm@gmail.com[email] |
09-09-2010, 12:42 PM | #3 |
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: (SE Louisiana)
Posts: 8,340
|
How to poop at work.
I've attended this class before but it's always good to have a refresher course. If only all seminars were this good.
__________________
2016 Electra Glide Ultra Limited CVO Palladium Silver / Phantom Blue 110 cu in SE 2012 Electra Glide Ultra Limited (Traded 6/22/16) Tequila Sunrise / HD Orange Vance & Hines true dual headers Rinehart 4" slip ons Screamin Eagle Super Tuner Screamin Eagle Stage 1 intake Dyno tuned H.O.G.# 4514015 2007 Nomad 1600 (Traded 6/23/12) VBA #482 |
09-09-2010, 01:58 PM | #4 |
Sr. Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Itchycoo Park
Posts: 3,422
|
How to poop at work.
I wonder how many here besides me have used the Camo-Cough?
|
09-09-2010, 02:38 PM | #5 | |
Sr. Contributor
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 18,287
|
How to poop at work.
Quote:
__________________
Gerry Martineau / 802 VT / VBA #0892 /[email]glmjgm@gmail.com[email] |
|
09-09-2010, 06:05 PM | #6 |
Sr. Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Scottown ohio
Posts: 1,225
|
How to poop at work.
__________________
Everyday is a holiday when you love your job, And if you don't you live in a nightmare. |
09-09-2010, 06:48 PM | #7 | ||
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: North Central Illinois
Posts: 8,575
|
How to poop at work.
Quote:
...maybe a new category! JK
__________________
"During times of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act." "You can have your own opinion, but not your own facts." Former VBA NCR Assist Regional Leader Formerly: 2004 1500FI Bronze Nomad: 2009 & 2014 HD Ultra Current Rides: 2017 HD Ultra Limited & 2011 Can Am Spyder RTS-SE Attended: VBA National Rallies 2009, 2011, 2015; VBA/NCR Regional Rally 2010, 12, 14, 16 and several rides throughout with regional members. VBA Member #652 HOG Member #3935417 |
||
09-09-2010, 07:02 PM | #8 |
Sr. Contributor
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 18,287
|
How to poop at work.
[quote author=glwilson Maybe there's something to your name "loafer"......maybe a new category! JK [/quote]
__________________
Gerry Martineau / 802 VT / VBA #0892 /[email]glmjgm@gmail.com[email] |
09-09-2010, 07:05 PM | #9 |
Top Contributor
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Aquashicola Pa.
Posts: 6,377
|
How to poop at work.
I found a meatloaf in the ladies room at work
__________________
I'm not prejudice I hate everyone equally;) 08 nomad blue/silver MaryJane 74,010miles VBA #299 Her's 10 900LT 36,700 09 Bath NY. 10 Lake George NY. 11 National Maggie Valley NC. 12 Pa Wilds (Wellsboro) Pa. 14 Lincoln NH. 17 National Lake George NY. |
09-09-2010, 07:15 PM | #10 | |
Sr. Contributor
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 18,287
|
How to poop at work.
Quote:
__________________
Gerry Martineau / 802 VT / VBA #0892 /[email]glmjgm@gmail.com[email] |
|
09-09-2010, 07:23 PM | #11 |
Top Contributor
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Aquashicola Pa.
Posts: 6,377
|
How to poop at work.
I knew someone was going to say something. I'm a crew leader at work an one of the guys said "you have got to see this"
Then the jokes began, what the women does to be able to pass a meatloaf of that caliber. Yes we are sick crew.
__________________
I'm not prejudice I hate everyone equally;) 08 nomad blue/silver MaryJane 74,010miles VBA #299 Her's 10 900LT 36,700 09 Bath NY. 10 Lake George NY. 11 National Maggie Valley NC. 12 Pa Wilds (Wellsboro) Pa. 14 Lincoln NH. 17 National Lake George NY. |
09-09-2010, 07:31 PM | #12 | |
Sr. Contributor
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 18,287
|
How to poop at work.
Quote:
__________________
Gerry Martineau / 802 VT / VBA #0892 /[email]glmjgm@gmail.com[email] |
|
09-13-2010, 12:11 AM | #13 |
Sr. Contributor
|
How to poop at work.
__________________
Gene Cross, Jr. Boaz, Alabama KawaNOW/VBA #1181 |
|
|
Similar Threads | ||||
Thread | Thread Starter | Forum | Replies | Last Post |
GOT THE PICTURE TO WORK | harleyandangel | Vulcan Nomad/Vaquero/Voyager | 2 | 12-25-2009 01:15 PM |
think this will work? | borto1990 | Vulcan Nomad/Vaquero/Voyager | 11 | 04-11-2009 08:50 PM |
Not at work..... | jmorrow | Lighter Side/Jokes | 3 | 11-16-2008 03:46 PM |
NO COME WORK TODAY | ringadingh | Lighter Side/Jokes | 5 | 08-06-2008 03:31 PM |
Why does it work? | Idaho | Vulcan Nomad/Vaquero/Voyager | 11 | 11-07-2007 08:42 PM |
In Association with VBA Web | Join VBA Web Now! |