You Might Be a Redneck If....

Ok, folks. I'll start this off, and ya'll can go to town with it.

You Might Be a Redneck If ...

You use your above-ground pool for storage.
Your favorite recipe begins " pierce the film lid ".
You've shooed dogs from your yard with bottle rockets
Everyone knows what color bra you're wearing
You have a cigarette behind your ear in your yearbook photo
You know that your wheelbarrow will hold ten twelve-packs iced down.
You spring clean your home and discover a second bathroom

Ok. Your turn.

[dakals]

You might be a redneck if your Christmas ornaments are made out of spent shot-gun shells.

Yeehaw!!!!!

[dakals]

You may be a Redneck if ...

You and your dog use the same tree.

Your dad walks you to school because
you are both in the same grade.

Your parents met at a family reunion.

Got one more for ya, dakals.

You might be a Redneck if

The only book in your home is proping up your sofa.

[bobzinger]

You got stopped by a state trooper. He asked you if you had an I.D. And you said, "Bout What?"

You think squirrel is "The Other White Meat"

and my fav...

If You've ever had to climb a watertower with a gallon of paint to defend your sister's honor.

[misunderstood]

No might be about it...................................I'm a redneck. http://s2.images.proboards.com/grin.gif

[dantama]

If your house is mobile, but your car is not.

[cactusjack]

...if you have nicer rims on your house than on your car.

...your front porch collapses and it kills more than 3 dogs.

...if there is a stuffed possum anywhere in your house.

...your Mama doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the state trooper to kiss her --s.

...you consider your license plate "personalized" because your dad made it while he was in prison.

[ponch]

You think parts of Deliverance are family movies.

[blowndodge]

If you keep your saddlebag closed with a bungie cord!! LMAO!!

...if duct tape comprises any part of your wardrobe.

..... if you refer to sixth grade as your senior year.

[ringadingh]

If you have the fridge and washing machine out on the porch.

[waterman]

Your fine china comes in sets of 50 from the grocery store.

[basco]

You might be a red neck

If you got a home improvement loan to put hub caps on your trailer house

If you kept the single wide for storage after getting the double wide


If you took your sister to the prom and got lucky


If you wear camo to church

[gopjohnny]

I'm a redneck rock and roll son of the south :)

[dakals]

ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!! BRAVO EVERYONE!!!!!!!

Don't tell me we've quit already !! Ya'll have to have more !!

[lonewolf]

remember all 20 of your dogs names, but shout "Hey Kid" to your own offspring!

[ponch]

What's the opposite of a redneck?

[unwind2]

.....if the flowers you gave your wife for mothers day came from the town cemetery.


......if your Sunday go to church clothes are bibbed coveralls and work boots.


.....if you use the old junk cars in the back yard for storage sheds.

[basco]

If you have an enlarged pet door so the sheep and goats can come and go as they please

What's the opposite of a redneck?

Ok, ponch, I give up. What's the opposite?

[gopjohnny]

damn yankees thats the opposite :)

damn yankees thats the opposite :)

http://s2.images.proboards.com/grin.gif

I invented this redneck drink. It's two parts vodka to one part maple syrup. I call it the Damn Roosky.

Good for a sore throat, but too many and you'll start votin' leftist.

[ponch]

Thanks for reminding me. Yup. A Yankee and damn proud of it.


damn yankees thats the opposite :)

[ponch]

I had forgot and I was asking...A yankee according to gojohnny. Damn straight.



What's the opposite of a redneck?

Ok, ponch, I give up. What's the opposite?

[aj]

You might be a red neck If
you’ve wondered how many empty pizza boxes constitutes a collection.

[ponch]

If you tell your kids fairy tales starting with y'all ain't gonna believe this sh!t instead of once upon a time...

[socwkbiker]

If you think beer cans are perfectly appropriate Christmas tree ornaments.

if you keep watch for those "damn revenoors"

Redneck fashion tips pt 1 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wbXkP_GZjsE&feature=related)

part 2 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UHBnTHwDSUg&feature=related)

And now for "Nico's entry" and FIRST PLACE!!!!!!

If you use duct tape for birth control.................




You might be a Redneck!!! click me (http://pacificdave.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2006/11/redneck_birth_control.jpg)

[blowndodge]

Wrong forum Gomer........XXX

Wrong forum Gomer........XXX

If that's XXX to you Pubis...... then no wonder............. %$#@!!


It's all starting to make sense now. ::)

Was that birth control, emergency underwear, or a redneck bikini waxing? http://s2.images.proboards.com/shocked.gif

[dakals]

It looks painful!!!!!!!

If you think beer cans are perfectly appropriate Christmas tree ornaments

http://www.skize.com/myspace-graphics/humor-comedy/img/0092-01Funny_Image.jpg

Here's a pic SWB sent us of his tree last christmas!!

[dakals]

My tree has beer bottles on it!!!!!

[basco]

If you sit around counting up how many cylinders you have around the house

** Redneck Medical Terms
Artery......................The study of paintings.
Benign......................What you be after you be eight.
Bacteria....................Back door to cafeteria.
Barium......................What doctors do when patients die.
Cesarean Section............A neighborhood in Rome.
Catscan.....................Searching for Kitty.
Cauterize...................Made eye contact with her.
Colic.......................A sheep dog.
Coma........................A punctuation mark.
D&C.........................Where Washington is.
Dilate......................To live long.
Enema.......................Not a friend.
Fester......................Quicker than someone else.
Fibula......................A small lie.
Genital.....................Non-Jewish person.
Hangnail....................What you hang your coat on.
Impotent....................Distinguished, well known.
Labor Pain..................Getting hurt at work.
Medical Staff...............A Doctor's cane.
Morbid......................A higher offer than I bid.
Nitrates....................Cheaper than day rates.
Node........................I knew it.
Outpatient..................A person who has fainted.
Pap Smear...................A fatherhood test.
Pelvis......................Second cousin to Elvis.
Post Operative..............A letter carrier.
Recovery Room...............Place to do upholstery.
Rectum......................Pretty near killed him.
Secretion...................Hiding something
Seizure.....................Roman emperor.
Tablet......................A small table.
Terminal Illness............Getting sick at the airport.
Tumor.......................More than one.
Urine.......................Opposite of you're out
Varicose....................Near by

** Redneck Medical Terms
Artery......................The study of paintings.
Benign......................What you be after you be eight.
Bacteria....................Back door to cafeteria.
Barium......................What doctors do when patients die.
Cesarean Section............A neighborhood in Rome.
Catscan.....................Searching for Kitty.
Cauterize...................Made eye contact with her.
Colic.......................A sheep dog.
Coma........................A punctuation mark.
D&C.........................Where Washington is.
Dilate......................To live long.
Enema.......................Not a friend.
Fester......................Quicker than someone else.
Fibula......................A small lie.
Genital.....................Non-Jewish person.
Hangnail....................What you hang your coat on.
Impotent....................Distinguished, well known.
Labor Pain..................Getting hurt at work.
Medical Staff...............A Doctor's cane.
Morbid......................A higher offer than I bid.
Nitrates....................Cheaper than day rates.
Node........................I knew it.
Outpatient..................A person who has fainted.
Pap Smear...................A fatherhood test.
Pelvis......................Second cousin to Elvis.
Post Operative..............A letter carrier.
Recovery Room...............Place to do upholstery.
Rectum......................Pretty near killed him.
Secretion...................Hiding something
Seizure.....................Roman emperor.
Tablet......................A small table.
Terminal Illness............Getting sick at the airport.
Tumor.......................More than one.
Urine.......................Opposite of you're out
Varicose....................Near by



Now.. that there's funny right there. If you don't think that there's funny, you need to leave.

You might be a redneck if you've ever been hospitalized after a chili cookoff.

[gopjohnny]

If you like David Allen Coe (even the XXX album) you might be a redneck


I like to play Hank Williams Jr. records just as loud as they will go
I'm into Lynyrd Skynyrd
The Allman Brothers and David Allan Coe
I like Willie, Waylon, George, and Merle
And alot of ZZ Top
They play country, soul, rock and roll
I really like Kid Rock

Chorus
And I'm a redneck
A rock-n-roll son of the south
I don't like no new wave disco bands around
I'm gonna drink a couple dozen beers
Go out and jam some gears
I'm a long haired redneck rock-n-roll son of the south

I've got a 1965 Harley chopper
It sure makes those women stare
A dead flamingo wrapped around the cowboy hats I wear
I can cuss I can fight I can spit I can belch I can raise all kinds of hell
If you ride to live like I live to ride let me hear some rebel yells

Chorus
And I'm a redneck
A rock-n-roll son of the south
I don't like no new wave disco bands around
I'm gonna drink a couple dozen beers
Go out and jam some gears
I'm a long haired redneck rock-n-roll son of the south

I like my whiskey straight up
Daqueri just makes me ill
If someone touches my cowboy hat I get mad enough to kill
I got a rifle rack in my pickup truck
I'm a four wheelin' maniac
And if you wanna race name the place
I'll show you where it's at muther f**ker

Chorus
And I'm a redneck
A rock-n-roll son of the south
I don't like no new wave disco bands around
I'm gonna drink a couple dozen beers
Go out and jam some gears
I'm a long haired redneck rock-n-roll son of the south

I'm a long haired redneck rock-n-roll son of the south
I'm a long haired redneck rock-n-roll son of the south

You've ever skinny-dipped in an inflatable pool.

You've offered a Sam's Club card as ID

Any of your children were conceived in the back of a Bass boat.

[socwkbiker]

If your 6-month old has more teeth than you do...

If you think it's ok to drink beer in the courtroom, and the judge has one with you...

If granny still goes out and checks the still to make sure her "medicine" is brewing right...

If you've ever used the phrase Hoot 'n Holler...

If over "yonder" is anywhere but where you're standing...

If you understand that "Hoot 'n Holler" is actually a place, and in fact (from where you live) it's just "over yonder".