Women?

[tex]

"Lord, I have a problem."

"What's the problem, Adam?", God replies.

"Lord, I know you created me and have provided for me and surrounded me with this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, but I'm just not happy"

"Why is that, Adam?", comes the reply from the heavens.

"Lord, I know you created this place for me, with all this lovely food and all of the beautiful animals, but I am lonely."

"Well Adam, in that case I have the perfect solution. I shall create a 'woman' for you."

"What's a 'woman', Lord?"

"This 'woman' will be the most intelligent, sensitive, caring, and beautiful creature I have ever created. She will be so intelligent that she can figure out what you want before you want it. She will be so sensitive and caring that she will know your every mood and how to make you happy. Her beauty will rival that of the heavens and earth. She will unquestioningly care for your every need and desire. She will be the perfect companion for you.", replies the heavenly voice.

"Sounds great."

"She will be, but this is going to cost you, Adam."

"How much will this 'woman' cost me Lord?", Adam replies.

"She'll cost you your right arm, your right leg, an eye, an ear, and your left testicle."

Adam ponders this for some time, with a look of deep thought and concern on his face. Finally Adam says to God:

"Ehhh, what can I get for a rib?"

That hits home.... I'm always looking for a bargain..... makes sense...

[Todd]

You have no spare ribs to give now Nico

LOL ouch

[tex]

How to Impress a Woman

1. Compliment her.
2. Respect her.
3. Honor her.
4. Cuddle her.
5. Kiss her.
6. Caress her.
7. Love her.
8. Stroke her.
9. Tease her.
10. Comfort her.
11. Protect her.
12. Hug her.
13. Hold her.
14. Spend money on her.
15. Wine and dine her.
16. Listen to her.
17. Care for her.
18. Stand by her.
19. Support her.
20. Go to the ends of the Earth for her.

How to Impress a Man

1. Show up naked.
2. Bring food.

<marquee> http://s2.images.proboards.com/grin.gif</marquee>

[Todd]

How to Impress a Woman

1. Compliment her.
2. Respect her.
3. Honor her.
4. Cuddle her.
5. Kiss her.
6. Caress her.
7. Love her.
8. Stroke her.
9. Tease her.
10. Comfort her.
11. Protect her.
12. Hug her.
13. Hold her.
14. Spend money on her.
15. Wine and dine her.
16. Listen to her.
17. Care for her.
18. Stand by her.
19. Support her.
20. Go to the ends of the Earth for her.

How to Impress a Man

1. Show up naked.
2. Bring food.



Is that a joke or just a quote from a text book????

[socwkbiker]

It should be a quote from a textbook. lol

That Adam, what a cheap bastard!

Can't sit back & be silent!!!

How does a man show that
he is planning for the future?

He buys two cases of beer.




How many honest, intelligent, caring men does it take to do the dishes?
Both of them.


Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?

They don't stop and ask for directions.



How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?

We don't know;
it has never happened.


What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?

A widow.


Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
They already have boyfriends.


What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common? They're married.


Why are married women heavier than single women?

Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.


Man says to God: "Why did you make woman so beautiful?"
God says:
"So you would love her."
"But God," the man says, "Why did you make her so dumb?"
God says:
"So she would love you."

[blowndodge]

How to Impress a Woman

1. Compliment her.
2. Respect her.
3. Honor her.
4. Cuddle her.
5. Kiss her.
6. Caress her.
7. Love her.
8. Stroke her.
9. Tease her.
10. Comfort her.
11. Protect her.
12. Hug her.
13. Hold her.
14. Spend money on her.
15. Wine and dine her.
16. Listen to her.
17. Care for her.
18. Stand by her.
19. Support her.
20. Go to the ends of the Earth for her.




The "Unknown" other 20 Commandments

Can't sit back & be silent!!!

How does a man show that
he is planning for the future?

He buys two cases of beer.




How many honest, intelligent, caring men does it take to do the dishes?
Both of them.


Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?

They don't stop and ask for directions.



How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?

We don't know;
it has never happened.


What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?

A widow.


Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
They already have boyfriends.


What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common? They're married.


Why are married women heavier than single women?

Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.


Man says to God: "Why did you make woman so beautiful?"
God says:
"So you would love her."
"But God," the man says, "Why did you make her so dumb?"
God says:
"So she would love you."









http://i170.photobucket.com/albums/u272/DrNickDC/BigCupOf_2-1.jpg

[blowndodge]

<marquee> What about EVE??????</marquee>


<marquee>What if she had listened??</marquee>

WOMAN'S POEM

Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.

MAN'S POEM

I pray for a deaf mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs
who owns a liquor store and a Nomad dealership. This
doesn't rhyme and I don't give a sh*t.

Why don't women need a drivers licence?
There's not a road between the kitchen and the bedroom.

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing. You already told her twice.

What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
Slap her on the butt and tell her to get back to work.

What does it mean if your wifes out of the kitchen?
Her chain is too long.

Why don't you ever have to buy your wife a watch?
There's a clock on the stove.

[socwkbiker]

Amen


MAN'S POEM

I pray for a deaf mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs
who owns a liquor store and a Nomad dealership. This
doesn't rhyme and I don't give a nuts.

[blowndodge]

Wolfman, Your my hero!!!!!

[Todd]

<marquee>http://www.nicoles-funworld.de/windowcolor/farbvorlagen/feuerstein/Fred_and_Wilma_kussend.jpg</marquee>

[nsmorgan]

MAN'S POEM

I pray for a deaf mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs
who owns a liquor store and a Nomad dealership. This
doesn't rhyme and I don't give a nuts.

That is so beautiful.

MAN'S POEM

I pray for a deaf mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs
who owns a liquor store and a Nomad dealership. This
doesn't rhyme and I don't give a nuts.

That is so beautiful.

Sh*t becomes nuts......Don't get it!!

'The Obedient Wife'

There was a man who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money.

Just before he died, he said to his wife...'When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me.'

And so he got his wife to promise him, with all of her heart, that when he died, she would put all of the money into the casket with him.

Well, he died He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was
sitting there - dressed in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, and just! before the
undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said,

Wait just a moment!!! She had a small metal box with her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down and they rolled it away.

So her friend said 'Girl, I know you were not foolish enough to put all that money in there with your husband.'
The loyal wife replied, 'Listen, I'm a Christian; I cannot go back
on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money into the casket with him.'

You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with
him!?!?!?'

'I sure did,' said the wife. 'I got it all together, put it into my
account, and wrote him a check.... If he can cash it, then he can
spend it.'

[Todd]

http://s2.images.proboards.com/grin.gif http://s2.images.proboards.com/grin.gif http://s2.images.proboards.com/grin.gif http://s2.images.proboards.com/grin.gif http://s2.images.proboards.com/grin.gif http://s2.images.proboards.com/grin.gif http://s2.images.proboards.com/grin.gif http://s2.images.proboards.com/grin.gif