Joke of the day

[socwkbiker]

I Like Your Thinking

A teacher asks her class, "If there are five birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Johnny.
"None, they all fly away with the first gunshot."

The teacher replies, "The correct answer is four, but I like your thinking." Then Little Johnny says, "I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, "Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."

"The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on... but I like your thinking."

http://s2.images.proboards.com/grin.gif http://s2.images.proboards.com/grin.gif

[rzuni]

That is a good one!!!! I would have guess none of them...........

[basco]

i figured it would be the one with the i dont think so look

Trip, is this a G rated forum? If not.......... let 'er rip!!

[trip]

<<<Trip, is this a G rated forum? If not.......... let 'er rip!! >>>

Keep in mind that we DO have ladies in our presence. Of course, I guess they can tell some sexist jokes too...LOL.

FLY A HELICOPTER!

http://www.hurtwood.demon.co.uk/Fun/copter.swf

How To Shower Like a Woman:

Take off clothing and place it nicely in the laundry hamper....

Walk to bathroom wearing robe or towel.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more
sit-ups/leg-lifts, treadmill etc and to eat less.

Get in the shower. Use assorted cloths, along with assorted loofahs and
pumice stone.

Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

Condition your hair with fruity conditioner enhanced with real passion fruit
and vitamins.

Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

Wash and exfoliate rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash or
something similar.

Rinse conditioner off hair.

Shave armpits and legs.

Turn off shower.

Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.

Spray mold spots with Tilex.

Get out of shower and stand on bath mat to avoid water on the floor.

Dry with towel the size of a small country.

Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Return to bedroom wearing robe or towel along with the towel on wet head.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.





How To Shower Like a Man:

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom.

If you see wife along the way, shake weiner at her making the "woo-woo" sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror.

Admire the size of your weiner and scratch your ass.

Get in the shower Wash your face. Wash your armpits.

Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee.

Rinse off and get out of shower. Avoid bath mat and get plenty of water on the floor.

Dry off forearms and butt only.

Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.

Admire weiner size in mirror again. Shake it to watch water fly off.

Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist.

If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake weiner at her and make the "woo-woo" sound again.

Throw wet towel on bed.

If there is anyone who did not laugh at the truth behind this, there is something very wrong with you.

Have a great day! And, "woo woo"!!!

A store that sells new husbands has just opened in
New York City , where a woman may go to choose a
husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a
description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six
floors and the value of the products increase as the
shopper ascends the flights.

The shopper may choose any item from a particular
floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but
you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.

The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are
Extremely Good Looking.

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are
Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"


Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are
Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help With Housework, and Have a
Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth
floor and the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor.
There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as
proof that women are impossible to please.

Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.


To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner
opens a New Wives store just across the street. ..

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex and have
money.

The third through sixth floors have never been
visited.

Beer contains

Female Hormones

Last month, scientists at the National University of Lesotho released the results of a recent analysis revealing the presence of female hormones found in beer.

Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption. The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain phytoestrogens) and by drinking enough beer, men acquire the known attributes of women.

To test the theory, 100 men drank 8 pints of beer each within a one hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects:

1) Argued over nothing.
2) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.
3) Gained weight.
4) Talked excessively without making sense.
5) Became overly emotional.
6) Couldn't drive.
7) Failed to think rationally.
Had to sit down while urinating.

No further testing was considered necessary.



Send this to the men you know to warn them about drinking too much beer!

All in all, it hadn't been a good day. Bad traffic, a malfunctioning
computer, incompetent coworkers and a sore back all made me a seething
cauldron of rage. But more importantly for this story, it had been over
forty-eight hours since I'd last taken a dump. I'd tried to jumpstart the
process, beginning my day with a bowl of bowel-cleansing fiber cereal,
following it with six cups of coffee at work, and adding a bean-laden lunch
at Taco Bell. As I was returning home from work, my insides let me know with
subtle rumbles and the emission of the occasional tiny fart that Big Things
would be happening soon. Alas, I had to stop at the mall to pick up an order
for my wife. I completed this task, and as I was walking past the stores on
my way backto the car, I noticed a large sale sign proclaiming, "Everything
Must Go!" This was prophetic, for my colon informed me with a sudden violent
cramp and a wet, squeaky fart that everything was indeed about to go.
I hurried to the mall bathrooms. I surveyed the five stalls, which I have
numbered 0 through 4 (I write a lot of software) for your convenience:

0.Occupied.

1.Clean, but Bathroom Protocol forbids its use, as it's next to the occupied
one.

2.Poo on seat.

3.Poo and toilet paper in bowl, unidentifiable liquid splattered on seat.

4.No toilet paper, no stall door, unidentifiable sticky object near base of
toilet.

Clearly, it had to be Stall #1. I trudged back, entered, dropped trou and
sat down. I'm normally a fairly Shameful Sh1tter. I wasn't happy about being
next to the occupied stall, but Big Things were afoot.

I was just getting ready to bear down when all of a sudden the sweet sounds
of Beethoven came from next door, followed by a fumbling, and then the sound
of a voice answering the ringing phone. As usual for a cell phone
conversation, the voice was exactly 8 dB louder than it needed to be. Out of
Shameful habit, my sphincter slammed shut. The inane conversation went on
and on. Mr. Sh1tter was blathering to Mrs. Sh1tter about the sh1tty day he
had. I sat there, cramping and miserable, waiting for him to finish. As the
loud conversation dragged on, I became angrier and angrier, thinking that I,
too, had a crappy day, but I was too polite to yak about in public. My
bowels let me know in no uncertain terms that if I didn't get crapping soon,
my day would be getting even crappier.

Finally my anger reached a point that overcame Shamefulness. I no longer
cared. I gripped the toilet paper holder with one hand, braced my other hand
against the side of the stall, and pushed with all my might. I was rewarded
with a fart of colossal magnitude -- a cross between the sound of someone
ripping a very wet bed sheet in half and of plywood being torn off a wall.
The sound gradually transitioned into a heavily modulated low-RPM tone, not
unlike someone firing up a Harley. I managed to hit the resonance frequency
of the stall, and it shook gently.

Once I disagree cheeks stopped flapping in the breeze, three things became
apparent: (1) The next-door conversation had ceased; (2) my colon's
continued seizing indicated that there was more to come; and (3) the
bathroom was now beset by a horrible, eldritch stench. It was as if a
gateway to Hell had been opened. The foul miasma quickly made its way
underthe stall and began choking my poop-mate. This initial "herald" fart
had ended his conversation in mid-sentence.

"Oh my Gosh," I heard him utter, following it with suppressed sounds of
choking, and then, "No, baby, that wasn't me (cough, gag), you could hear
that (gag)??"

Now there was no stopping me. I pushed for all I was worth. I could swear
that in the resulting cacophony of rips, squirts, splashes, poots, and
blasts, I was actually lifted slightly off the pot. The amount of stuff in
me was incredible. It sprayed against the bowl with tremendous force. Later,
in surveying the damage, I'd see that liquid poop had actually managed to
ricochet out of the bowl and run down the side on to the floor. But for now,
all I could do was hang on for the ride.

Next door I could hear him fumbling with the paper dispenser as he
desperately tried to finish his task. Little snatches of conversation made
themselves heard over my anal symphony: "Gotta go... horrible... throw up...

in my mouth... not... make it... tell the kids... love them..."
followed by more sounds of suppressed gagging and retching.

Alas, it is evidently difficult to hold one's phone and wipe one's bum at
the same time. Just as my high-pressure abuse of the toilet was winding
down, I heard a plop and splash from next door, followed by string of swear
words and gags. My poop-mate had dropped his phone into the toilet.

There was a lull in my production, and the restroom became deathly quiet. I
could envision him standing there, wondering what to do. A final anal
announcement came trumpeting from my behind, small chunks plopping noisily
into the water. That must have been the last straw. I heard a flush, a
fumbling with the lock, and then the stall door was thrown open. I heard him
running out of the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.

After a considerable amount of paperwork, I got up and surveyed the damage.
I felt bad for the janitor who'd be forced to deal with this, but I knew
that flushing was not an option. No toilet in the world could handle that
unholy mess. Flushing would only lead to a floor flooded with filth.

As I left, I glanced into the next-door stall. Nothing remained in the bowl.

Had he flushed his phone, or had he plucked it out and left the bathroom
with nasty unwashed hands? The world will never know.

I exited the bathroom, momentarily proud and Shameless, looking around for a
face glaring at me. But I saw no one. I suspect that somehow my supernatural
elimination has managed to transfer my Shamefulness to my anonymous
poop-mate. I think it'll be a long time before he can bring himself to poop
in public -- and I doubt he'll ever again answer his cell phone in the loo.
And this, my friends, is why you should never talk on your phone in the
bathroom.

[trip]

A lady was checking out at the local grocery store. When the box of tampax wouldn't scan for lack of a price, the checker got on the loud speaker and said, "Price check on tampax!"

The clerk in the back thought she said, "Price check on thumbtacks!" He got on the loud speaker and said, "Do you want a price for the ones you push in with your finger or drive in with a hammer?".

THE ITALIAN TOMATO GARDEN
>>> >
>>> > An old Italian man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig his tomato
>>> > garden but it was very hard work as the ground was hard. His only son,
>>> > Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter
>>> > to his son and described his predicament:
>>> >
>>> > Dear Vincent,
>>> >
>>> > I am feeling pretty badly because it looks like I won't be able to plant
>>> > my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a
garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I
>>> know you would be happy to dig the plot for me.
>>> >
>>> > Love, Dad
>>> >
>>> > A few days later he received a letter from his son:
>>> >
>>> > Dear Dad,
>>> > Don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the bodies.
>>> >
>>> > Love, Vinnie
>>> >
>>> > At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and
dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized
>>> > to the old man and left.
>>> > That same day the old man received another letter from his son:
>>> >
>>> > Dear Dad,
>>> > Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.
>>> >
>>> > Love you, Vinnie :-*

[jmorrow]

Ralph goes to Heaven

Ralph came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber. He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, "You died in your sleep Ralph. "Ralph was stunned." I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!" St. Peter said, "I'm sorry , but there's only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken." Ralph was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home. The next thing he knew he was covered with feathers, clucking, and pecking the ground. A rooster strolled past. "So you're the new hen, huh? How's your first day here?" "Not bad," replied Ralph the hen,"but I have this strange feeling inside. Like I'm gonna explode!
"You're ovulating," explained the rooster. "Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before?" "Never," said Ralph. "Well just relax, and let it happen, 'says the rooster. "It's no big deal." Ralph did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg! Ralph was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg, his joy was overwhelming. As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard his wife shout....."Dammit, Ralph! Wake up. You're sh_tting in the bed!"

[socwkbiker]

Wolfman, your fart and crapper joke had me in tears! That's funny stuff right there, I don't care what anybody says.

[socwkbiker]

A man calls the Animal Control in his town, because there is a crazed gorilla on his roof, and he can't figure out how to get it down safely. Soon, a van pulls up, and an old man gets out, carrying a small dog, a baseball bat, and a gun. He hands the man the gun.

"Okay, here's what we do. I'm going to go up onto your roof, and threaten the gorilla with this baseball bat until he falls down. When he falls down, this little dog will bite him in the balls until he's incapacitated."

"Great," says the man. "But what's the gun for?"

"In case I fall down instead of the gorilla -- shoot the dog."

[socwkbiker]

This 80 year old woman was arrested for shop lifting.
When she went before the judge in Cincinnati he asked her,
"What did you steal?" She replied, "A can of peaches."

The judge then asked her why she had stolen the can of peaches
And she replied that she was hungry. The judge then asked her
How many peaches were in the can. She replied six.

The judge then said, "I will then give you 6 days in jail."

Before the judge could actually pronounce the punishment, the
woman's husband spoke up and asked the judge if he could say
Something. The judge said, "What is it?"

The husband said, "She also stole a can of peas."

[socwkbiker]

Two doctors, one a Psychiatrist and the other a Proctologist, opened an office in a small town and put up a sign reading:


"Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Hysterias and Posteriors."


The town council was not happy with the sign, so the doctors
changed it to "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids. This was not acceptable
either.

So in an effort to satisfy the council they changed the sign to
"Catatonics and High Colonics." Thumbs down again.

Then came "Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives." Still no good.

Another attempt resulted in "Minds and Behinds." Unacceptable again.


So they tried "Lost Souls and Butt Holes." No way.

"Analysis and Anal Cysts?" Nope.

"Nuts and Butts?" Uh uh.

"Freaks and Cheeks?" Still no go.

"Loons and Moons?" Forget it.

Almost at their wit's end, the doctors finally came up with: "Dr.Smith and Dr. Jones,

"Odds and Ends."


Approved!!

[socwkbiker]

An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From
morning till night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining about
something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing
with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot.

One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field.
He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to
eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began haranguing him again. Complain,
nag, nag; it just went on and on.

All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet; caught her
smack in the back of the head. Killed her dead on the spot.

At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather
odd. When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would listen
for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a man mourner
approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in
disagreement. This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask the old
farmer about it.

So after the funeral, the minister spoke to the old farmer, and asked him
why he nodded his head and agreed with the women, but always shook his
head and disagreed with all the men.

The old farmer said: "Well, the women would come up and say something
about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was, so I'd nod my
head in agreement."

"And what about the men?" the minister asked.

"They wanted to know if the mule was for sale

Thot thar is fuunny... http://s2.images.proboards.com/grin.gif


<marquee>Smite me you fools. http://s2.images.proboards.com/cool.gif</marquee>

[lw]

They wanted to know if the mule was for sale

Just can't put a price on peace and quiet.

Ahhhh...... <-13>..... my lucky #...... need to make it to my other lucky #..... <-69>.... help me out!!

[socwkbiker]

One December day we found an old straggly cat at our door.


She was a sorry sight.


Starving, dirty, smelled terrible, skinny and hair all matted down.

We felt sorry for her, put her in a carrier and took her to the vet.

We didn't know what to call her, so we named her "pu**ycat."

The vet decided to keep her for a day or so.

He said he would let us know when we could come and get her.

My husband (the complainer) said, "OK, but don't forget to wash her because she stinks."

He reminded the vet that it was his WIFE (me) who wanted the dirty cat, not him.

My husband and my Vet don't see eye-to-eye.

The vet calls my husband 'El-Cheap-O', and my husband calls the vet 'El-Charge-O'.

They love to hate each other and constantly 'snipe' at one another, with my husband getting in the last word on this particular occasion.

The next day my husband had an appointment with his doctor, who is located in the same building, next door to the vet.

The MD's waiting room and office were full of people waiting to see the doctor.

A side door opened and the vet leaned in - he had obviously seen my husband arrive.

He looked straight at my husband and in a loud voice said,

"Your wife's pu**y doesn't stink any more and it's finally clean and shaved, so she now smells like a rose.

Oh, and, by the way, I think she's pregnant. God only knows who the father is!"

Then he closed the door.

Now THAT, my friends, is getting even!

[socwkbiker]

A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale hits Mexico
. Two million Mexicans
have died and over a million are injured.
The country is totally ruined and the government doesn't know where to
start with asking for help to
rebuild.

The rest of the world is in shock.

Canada is sending troopers to help the Mexican army control the riots.

Saudi Arabia is sending oil.

Other Latin American countries are sending supplies.

The European community (except France ) is sending food and money.

The United States , not to be outdone, is sending two million replacement
Mexicans.

Ahhhh...... <-13>..... my lucky #...... need to make it to my other lucky #..... <-69>.... help me out!!

Let me guess your other lucky number could it be -666?

I had a funny one but the automated edit thingy ruined it and it made no sense whatsoever so I had to delete it. I guess I'll have to me more selective when posting jokes.

[vulcanvixen]

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[vulcanvixen]

<<<Trip, is this a G rated forum? If not.......... let 'er rip!! >>>

Keep in mind that we DO have ladies in our presence. Of course, I guess they can tell some sexist jokes too...LOL.

X is WAY more fun!!!!!!!!!!! ;) :-* Keep 'em coming!!!

[vulcanvixen]

Why, thank you, GH.....great minds think alike!!!

[socwkbiker]

A little girl is sitting on her grandpa's lap and studying the wrinkles on his old face. She gets up the nerve to rub her fingers over the wrinkles. Then she touches her own face and looks more puzzled.
Finally the little girl asks, "Grandpa, did God make you?"

"He sure did honey, a long time ago," replies her grandpa.

"Well, did God make me?" asks the little girl.

"Yes, He did, and that wasn't too long ago," answers her grandpa.

"Boy," says the little girl, "He's sure doing a lot better job these days, isn't He?"

Aww... :-*

[socwkbiker]

How To Clean Your Toilet

1. Put both lids of the toilet up & add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.

2. Pick up the cat & soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet & close both lids.
You may need to stand on the lid.

4. The cat will self agitate & make ample suds. Never mind the noises coming from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.

5. Flush 3 or 4 times. This provides a "power-wash" & rinse".

6. Have someone open the front door. Be sure there are no people between the bathroom & the door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, & quickly lift both lids.

8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, & run outside where he will dry himself off.

9. Both the toilet & the cat will be sparkling clean.

[socwkbiker]

A TEXAS AIR TRAFFIC CONTROL


You gotta love this one!

Dallas ATC: "Tower to Saudi Air 911--You are cleared to land eastbound on
runway 9R."

Saudi Air: "Thank you Dallas ATC. Acknowledge cleared to land on infidel's
runway 9R --Allah be Praised !!"

Dallas ATC: "Tower to Iran Air 711--You are cleared to land westbound on
runway 9R."

Iran Air: "Thank you Dallas ATC. We are cleared to land on infidel's runway
9R.- -Allah is Great !!"

Pause: Static.............

Saudi Air: " DALLAS ATC ! DALLAS ATC !!! "

Dallas ATC: "Go ahead Saudi Air 911?"

Saudi Air: "YOU HAVE CLEARED BOTH OUR AIRCRAFT FOR THE SAME RUNWAY GOING IN
OPPOSITE DIRECTIONS !!! WE ARE ON A COLLISION COURSE !!! INSTRUCTIONS
PLEASE!!!

Dallas ATC: "Well bless your hearts. Y'all be careful now and tell Allah 'hey' for us -- ya hear?

Not sure if hat deserves Karma or a Smite!!!!! ???


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I like it, I like it!

[socwkbiker]

A little boy came home from school one day
slightly confused. His mother was Jewish and his father was black.

So he asks, "Mommy, am I more Jewish or more
Black?"
"What does it really matter? If you want to know for sure you'll just have to ask your father".

So, when his father got home, he asks the same question, "Daddy, am I more Jewish or more Black?"

"What the hell kind of a question is that? Why do
you want to know if you're more Jewish or more black?" asks his
dad.

"Well, it's like this, Dad. Tommy down the street
wants to sell his bicycle for $50, and I don't know whether to
Jew his ass down to $25, or wait until it's dark and steal the
motherf**ker."

<marquee>Smack!!! ;)</marquee>

[dharris]

Good Stuff

[socwkbiker]

A man appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

"Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked.

"Well, I can think of one thing," the man offered. "Once, on a trip to the
Black Hills of South Dakota, I came upon a gang of mean bikers who were
threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they
wouldn't listen.

"So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked
him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw
it on the ground. I yelled, "Now, back off, or I'll kick the sh*t out of
all of you!"

St. Peter was impressed. "When did this happen?"

"Just a couple of minutes ago."

[socwkbiker]

This big ugly biker walks into the bar with a parrot on his shoulder,
orders a beer and a shot. The bartender sets him up and says,
"That's really cool, where did you get him?"

"Sturgis." Replied the parrot, "They're all over the friggin place!"

[socwkbiker]

Crash, the Biker, walks into a pharmacy & says to the pharmacist, "Listen, I have three biker babes coming over tonight. I've never had three biker babes at once, & I need something to keep me horny, keep me potent."

The pharmacist reaches under the counter, unlocks the bottom drawer & takes out a small cardboard box marked with a label "Viagra Extra Strength" & says, "Here, if you eat this, you'll go NUTS for 12 hours!"

The next day, Crash rides down to the same pharmacy, walks right up to the same pharmacist & pulls down his pants.

The pharmacist looks in horror as he notices that Crash's Johnson is black & blue with the skin hanging off in some places.

Crash says, "Gimme a bottle of Ben Gay."

The pharmacist replies, "BEN GAY?! You're not going to put Ben Gay on
your dick while it's in that condition?"

Crash says, "No, it's for my arms, the girls didn't show up."

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[socwkbiker]

A biker is riding along a country lane, when a sparrow flies up in front of him. The biker can't do anything and hits the sparrow. As he looks in his rear view mirror, he sees the sparrow lying in the road. Being the kind of guy he is, he stops, picks up the sparrow and takes it home and puts it in a cage, still in a coma. When the sparrow wakes up the following morning, he looks through the bars of the cage and says, "sh*t, I must have killed the biker".

[socwkbiker]

A ten year-old boy was walking down the street when a big man on a black motorcycle, pulls up beside him and asks, "Hey kid, wanna go for a ride?"

"No!", said the boy, and he kept on walking. The motorcyclist pulls up to him again and says, "Hey kid,, I'll give you $10 if you hop on the back"

"NO!" said the boy and proceeded down the street a little quicker.

The motorcyclist pulls up to the boy again and says, "Ok kid, I'll give you $20 and a BIG bag of candy if you hop on the back for a ride."

At this point the boy turns around to him and screams angrily, "Look Dad, YOU bought the Honda, so YOU ride it!!

[socwkbiker]

A nasty old biker named "TAZ" walks into a bank and says to the woman at the teller window "I want to open a damn checking account."

The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?"

"Listen up, damn it. I said I want to open a damn checking account now!"

"I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this bank."The teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to inform him of her situation. The manager agrees that the teller does not have to listen to that foul language.

They both return to the window and the manager asks the old biker, "Sir, what seems to be the problem here?"

"There is no damn problem," the man says. "I just won 50 million dollars in the damn lottery and I want to open a damn checking account in this damn bank!"

"I see, " says the manager, "and is this bitch giving you a hard time?"

[socwkbiker]

Pregnant dog? lmao!! How about bi**h?


A nasty old biker named "TAZ" walks into a bank and says to the woman at the teller window "I want to open a d**n checking account."

The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?"

"Listen up, d**n it. I said I want to open a d**n checking account now!"

"I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this bank."The teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to inform him of her situation. The manager agrees that the teller does not have to listen to that foul language.

They both return to the window and the manager asks the old biker, "Sir, what seems to be the problem here?"

"There is no d**n problem," the man says. "I just won 50 million dollars in the d**n lottery and I want to open a d**n checking account in this d**n bank!"

"I see, " says the manager, "and is this pregnant dog giving you a hard time?"

hahhhh

Pull over!!!!!!!

[Todd]

OOPs...first thing I notice is that she's not wearing her helmet!!!!!

OK...2nd thing I noticed http://s2.images.proboards.com/grin.gif

[trip]

Watch out for the Policie! LOL..LOL

[dharris]

I just had to look twice to notice that

Rick was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less than 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE
THERE!!"

The next morning Rick got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up
she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in
the middle of the driveway Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to
the driveway, and brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found
a brand new bathroom scale.

Rick has been missing since Friday. Please pray for him.

[blowndodge]

hahahahahahahaha biotch deserved it!!!

[socwkbiker]

http://www.dave.kitson.dsl.pipex.com/images/LMAO.jpg

[beezer]

LMAO

[beezer]

http://i37.photobucket.com/albums/e54/1beezer/histhingy.jpg

^evidently photobucket is the joke of the day :-/

[jmorrow]

A Crusty Old Biker

A crusty old biker, with bugs in his teeth, on a summer

ride in the country, walks into a tavern and sees a sign

hanging over the bar which reads:

CHEESEBURGERS: $1.50

CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50

HAND JOB: $50.00

Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks

up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive

female bartender serving drinks to a meager looking group

of farmers.

"Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile, can I help you?

"I was wondering," whispered the old biker, are you the

young lady who gives the hand-jobs? "Yes" she purrs I

am.

The old biker replies, "Well wash your hands," I want a

cheeseburger.