For those whose wives don't ride

[phenrichs]

I spoke with a few folks in Custer when my wife was not feeling well and learned that some of you always ride solo. It seems that often your wives don't care for riding and so you have seperate interests. Trip put the best when he said that he has his motorcycle time and she has her time.

It seems that this may end up being the case for me as well but I am having a little trouble with the idea. She has already informed me that if I want to go to next year's rally or the next national that it will be solo. We always do some small local runs throughout the year and the last few she has made excuses not to go instead of just telling me she didn't want to go. Have any of you had this happen, and how did you handle it?

I do like riding solo but I also enjoy having her along. It seems like we are in a transition period of me waiting for her to make the final decision. Everytime we are supposed to go riding she waits till the last second to back out. Not sure what I can do to help her one way or the other. I won't push her to ride if she doesn't want to, that would be cruel, but at the same time I feel like I am dangling on a string.

I am asking because you guys are my CNN, 'the most trusted name in news'.

[mac]

My wife really enjoys riding with me, but doesn't have a problem if I go ride without her. Normally, she'd want to go with me on a trip.

I do have other interests, and she has hers, but the one thing we found (besides riding) we like doing together is we took up dance lessons.

[psychocycle]

My wife won't get on the back of my bike and I have no problems at all with that. At least your wife has tried it and has now come to the point of letting you know. By what you have said it is not her thing and she does not get the enjoyment out of it that you do so adjust your riding accordingly and enjoy it. The last thing I would want to do is hop on the back of someones bike and sit there for hours staring at the back of your helmet. Find different activities to share with your wife.

[dkdixie]

OP, your situation is basically the same as mine.
I don't try to talk my wife into riding. If she wants to go fine, if not, then Its solo.
Don't have any real advise for you other than if she isn't comfortable, I wouldn't push it.

[schoeney]

Can you imagine riding on the back on long trips? I can't and won't even ride on the back around the block.

My wife is similar OP in that she will do a short ...maybe 1-2 hour ride but that is it. She does not love it enough to endure any longer.

As far as backing out I would sit down with her and discuss it.

That's all I got..Your's Truly

Dr. Frasier Crane

[cactusjack]

My wife doesn't care to ride with me, and that's okay with me. If she changes her mind at some point that's okay, too. She has her own time to do what she wants to do, and I have my time to do what I want to do. I rode solo to Custer and she's taking her own vacation at the end of this month. It works for us, at least. We've been married 29 years as of August 30, so we must be doing something right.

[billz410]

My wife was against the motorcycle purchase in the first place, so I didn't expect her to ever come to enjoy riding- short of a miracle.

One time we rented a HD- the lady at the Rental Counter says, "Your wife doesn't look like she's going to enjoy this!" You got THAT right!!!

I too have had many experiences where my wife has said she would go, and then backs out at the last minute. I bought a cheap intercom so we could at least talk back and forth, and that did help tremendously, but it seems like on one trip she's too hot, and then the next trip she's too cold.

I wanted to buy her chaps so her legs wouldn't always be cold, and she said she wasn't going to go around looking like a prostitute. So instead she bitches about her legs being cold. Then the helmet's too tight, then the helmet's too hot, then her hair is messed up.........

The way it is around our house, she doesn't want to ride, and I'm not supposed to ride, either. It really makes for some harmonious times.

It sounds to me like there are three possibilities in your future:
1) Ride alone and she accepts it.
2) Ride alone and she is mad.
3) You'll quit riding motorcycles all together.

I can understand your frusteration, and it sounds like you'd like to have your wife go along with you. I really enjoy it when my wife comes along- it's nice to visit over the intercom, etc. But pretty soon she's unhappy, and so the fun of the trip is gone.

Good luck on this- and let us know what the conclusion is!

[cactusjack]

I don't quite understand the intercom thing. The last thing I would want when I ride is listening to Mrs. Jack bitch and moan about things. Maybe that's why I ride solo? I'd rather listen to Motorhead or Pink Floyd.

[ryancooksey]

I have a hard time getting my wife off the back of mine. Kinda nice cause when it comes time for accessories shes all about it. Never had a birthday or xmas without a little chrome.

[audiogooroo]

My wife used to ride with me back in the day, but has only been on the Nomad once. It's just not her thing, but she's fine with it being mine. She has things she enjoys on her own as well.
The key, I believe, is to find something you both can enjoy together and manage your time well. For instance, I went to Custer without her, so I'm making time to go do something with her now. Works for us. She does enjoy traveling with me, but she wants to do so in an air conditioned vehicle with a fresh cup of coffee and know that when she arrives, her hair will look great! :)

[ringadingh]

My wife has never been on any of my bikes, and has no interest in it at all. However she seems to understand how much I enjoy it and rarely ever says anything about were Im going. It probably helps that there are six neighbours on my street that also ride and we often do ride together. She has her own interests and thats fine with me. On the other hand both kids still enjoy going with me and if were going somewhere we'll take the bike whenever possible.

[phenrichs]

Thanks all for your responses. It is nice to know I am not alone.



I really enjoy it when my wife comes along.... But pretty soon she's unhappy, and so the fun of the trip is gone.


So did you bribe her to smile in the pic with the bike?

Wow, did you follow me to Custer? You just described the first three days of my trip.

We still had a good time together but I wish I could have seperated the two to be a mc trip for me and then a vaca with her.

I just wish she would decide if she is going to ride at all anymore, whether it be just the occasional short trip or not at all. If not at all I can save a few hundred bucks on finishing the trunk project since I wont be needing the larger backrest. I can fit more in a tbag anyway.

[blowndodge]

OP mine was worse. "We" went looking for a bike at the end of 2005. Came within minutes of a Gold Wing, BMW, 1300ST. The misses went each time and sat on the back of the bike as I sat in the drivers pillon and pretended that "we" were going on a trip.

After sitting on the Nomad she asked what's keeping me from going through with the purchase? "Don't know" was my reply. Well she kept bugging me and I finally got too good a deal to pass up!

We went down with friends and bought "our" Nomad in Feburary 2006. Before I left the shop I outfitted her and myself with nice helmets, jackets gloves, leather pants and boots for her.

the following morning was a nice cool day and I told her, "honey, let's take a drive to Dana Point for lunch on the new Nomad." She looked at me and said, "motorcycles are too dangerous for me!"

How do you think I took that haymaker of a statement? NOT TOO WELL!!! the following week I listed the Nomad on Craig's List and she saw the ad. She looked floored and asked me why I wanted to sell the Nomad. I replied that after all the shopping and expense of fitting her with biking clothes that her not telling me she hate motorcycles was such a slap in the face that I just wanted a quickie divorce from the Nomad.

I took it off the market after one week after settling down. I got over it and now when I go riding I don't tell here where or what time I'll be back. I'm a biker and I'll ride whenever I feel like it without her permission!

It's been that way ever since! There was a silver lining to all this! I now don't go to her families house on the weekends because I don't want to! I told her she shouldn't demand I do something I don't like no more than I demand she so something she doesn't like.

I think I might have actually made out in the deal!!!!

OP I feel your pain. Make the best of it. I know I did!

[mcdaddy]

My wife used to ride with me but got a bad back injury a number of years ago. While I'd love to have her come along, I really don't want her on the bike. Just don't want to take the risk, but she is ok with that. She sometimes follows me to local events in the car.

On another note.. I have some buddies that I ride with some. They ride out to the Texas Big Bend country fairly regularly. Their wifes decided they wanted to go one time. The ladies got dolled up with makeup, lipstick, etc. By the time they got to Big Bend in 100+ temps the lipstick ran back to their ears.

They never asked to go again :-)

[taranis]

It seems that this may end up being the case for me as well but I am having a little trouble with the idea. She has already informed me that if I want to go to next year's rally or the next national that it will be solo. We always do some small local runs throughout the year and the last few she has made excuses not to go instead of just telling me she didn't want to go. Have any of you had this happen, and how did you handle it?

I do like riding solo but I also enjoy having her along. It seems like we are in a transition period of me waiting for her to make the final decision. Everytime we are supposed to go riding she waits till the last second to back out. Not sure what I can do to help her one way or the other. I won't push her to ride if she doesn't want to, that would be cruel, but at the same time I feel like I am dangling on a string.

I am asking because you guys are my CNN, 'the most trusted name in news'.

Well, I'll qualify my response with this: Ann enjoys riding with me or riding her own. Rarely do I ever have to ask if she wants to go. If she has the time, 99% of the time she's gearing up. She loves it, but she prefers riding her own to riding with me - mostly because she's staring at the back of my helmet and of course her seat is more comfortable than my pilon. :)

I think if I were in your position I would quit offering. Resign yourself to riding solo. Instead of waiting for her to back out, I'd wait for her to ask to come along. She no ask, you no offer. If she does ask to come along and when the complaining starts, you have "Hey, you wanted to come along."

I'll also state, for the record, I'm no marriage counselor. :)

[mac]

I feel so lucky.... my wife even helped find and purchase our bike. I feel for you man.

[Top Cat]

I don't quite understand the intercom thing. The last thing I would want when I ride is listening to Mrs. Jack bitch and moan about things. Maybe that's why I ride solo? I'd rather listen to Motorhead or Pink Floyd.

Cindy rides her own bike.
The intercom is great. Cindy and I can let each other know what we want to do, I can tell her how far the next turn is when we tour, she can let me know when she need a rest stop.
I don't even listen to the radio in my truck when driving. It's juat a bunch of noise polution http://s2.images.proboards.com/grin.gif

[billz410]

OP-

Well, I'll tell ya, it wasn't easy getting that smile out of her. I told her we'd go home after we took the pictures....

BD-

Man you're purchase experience was a little different than mine! When we went to look at a Nomad we went to the Kawasaki dealer on a rented HD- she was so pissed by that time she wouldn't even come into the Kawasaki dealership! When I finally did buy one, I told her, "I need to go to Phoenix on Saturday to pick up the motorcycle." You might say it's been all downhill since!

She told me the people (customers, etc.) inside an HD dealership look like they're from a state prison.

I'm thinking I could just as well put her jacket and helmet on eBay.

I actually like the intercom, CJ. Since it's a wired unit, we're tethered together- helps keep us 'close' to one another. http://s2.images.proboards.com/tongue.gif Connecting everything together and getting on the bike is always an interesting experience. Have you ever tried to put a collar on a dog that doesn't want it on? That's kind of how the operation goes.

I guess she too, likes to ride in the car with a cup of coffee and arrive with her hair not messed up.

[patmahoney]

I hope this is not in my future! We just started riding two up and she loves it, I have even caught her sitting on the bike in the driveway! We have not done any long trips together I hope that won't ruin it.

[cheriann]

Awww...I can sympathize with both sides!
I used to be one of those wives that HATED riding on the motorcycle and was afraid that he would get hurt every time he went out on his motorcycle. Honestly, for me, I just realized one day that I was making our lives miserable by projecting and acting on my fear, and not considering what joy it bought him.
Thankfully, it doesn't sound like your wife is trying to stop you.

So, my next step was to try to bite the bullet and ride on the back now and then and TRY to make myself have a good time. However, I spent that "quality" time together nagging him!!! I can't tell you how many times I would hit the back of his helmet to slow down!!!!!! ::) After realizing that wasn't helping our relationship either, I had to force myself to the next step.

I decided that "maybe" if I took the MSF class and understood how a motorcycle worked and felt like I could "control" the ride myself if I ever needed to, I would be a better passenger.

That was ALL it took!!!!!!! http://s2.images.proboards.com/grin.gif
I was hooked!!!!! To this day, I am miserable riding in the back, but not riding my on my OWN bike, where I control my own destiny!!!!!!

So...my suggestion would be to try and talk her into taking the class....just as something to help her understand YOUR enjoyment with it. Maybe....just maybe.....she will love it after that!!!

[cactusjack]

OP mine was worse. "We" went looking for a bike at the end of 2005. Came within minutes of a Gold Wing, BMW, 1300ST. The misses went each time and sat on the back of the bike as I sat in the drivers pillon and pretended that "we" were going on a trip.

After sitting on the Nomad she asked what's keeping me from going through with the purchase? "Don't know" was my reply. Well she kept bugging me and I finally got too good a deal to pass up!

We went down with friends and bought "our" Nomad in Feburary 2006. Before I left the shop I outfitted her and myself with nice helmets, jackets gloves, leather pants and boots for her.

the following morning was a nice cool day and I told her, "honey, let's take a drive to Dana Point for lunch on the new Nomad." She looked at me and said, "motorcycles are too dangerous for me!"

How do you think I took that haymaker of a statement? NOT TOO WELL!!! the following week I listed the Nomad on Craig's List and she saw the ad. She looked floored and asked me why I wanted to sell the Nomad. I replied that after all the shopping and expense of fitting her with biking clothes that her not telling me she hate motorcycles was such a slap in the face that I just wanted a quickie divorce from the Nomad.

I took it off the market after one week after settling down. I got over it and now when I go riding I don't tell here where or what time I'll be back. I'm a biker and I'll ride whenever I feel like it without her permission!

It's been that way ever since! There was a silver lining to all this! I now don't go to her families house on the weekends because I don't want to! I told her she shouldn't demand I do something I don't like no more than I demand she so something she doesn't like.

I think I might have actually made out in the deal!!!!

OP I feel your pain. Make the best of it. I know I did!

Damn straight, son! I take my cajones with me when I ride! I don't leave them at home in her purse.

But...I tell her where I'm headed, just in case I don't come back.

[trip]

Gee, I feel like I started this whole thing when OP asked me about it in Custer. http://s2.images.proboards.com/grin.gif

Everyone that has posted in this thread has had an excellent answer for OP. I hope OP that you can glean from everyone's advice....I know I do constantly.

As for me and my wife...... we love each other very much....we've been married almost 26 years. She has never been interested in riding with me on a trip. She's been around the block with me or across town, but my wife is like audiogooroo's wife.....she doesn't like getting too hot...or too cold or having her hair blown around.

I feel that a wife has got to grow into riding, if that's what they want to do. They have to have a mindset to put up with the heat, cold, boredom...etc. It doesn't happen over night. If they don't like riding with you, then it's hard to get accustomed to the extremes of riding and want to keep doing it.

My wife Kathy, let's me plan and take my motorcycle trips and doesn't hold it over my head...in other words, she doesn't give me the phrase, "you go to do that...so I get to do this". She and I love to go places together and do quite often. At the end of this month, she and I are traveling to New Orleans for 4 days.

I will say that when I got home from Custer, my wife did make the comment that I was gone too long. So, she and I have talked about her following me in the SUV when I go on long trips. I have a trailer, so she could pull the trailer and I could take breaks from riding every now and then on really long trips...especially when it rains cats and dogs.

My advice OP....... don't worry. If she wants to ride with you...she will. If she doesn't... enjoy the solo ride. Communication is the key. When I'm gone on a long ride, I call my wife every night and let her know how my riding day went. She envies me when I report that I saw the most gorgeous countryside. She tells me that, "it sucks to be you", when I'm riding through rain and bad weather.

Since my wife has never ridden with me, I'm not really used to riding 2 up. There is a difference you know. On a recent trip I took with the Blue Knights to Arkansas, I had a woman come up to me at the hotel and ask if I would take her around the block on my motorcycle. It seems she wanted to ride with her husband, but he never would take her.

So, I obliged. I almost dropped the bike twice!

[phenrichs]

Thanks all. I really appreciate it. Hey Trip, unfortunately my wife is still young and does give me the "you got to do that .... so I get to do this".

We'll work it out. I do like BD's solution though. the "i don't make you do..... so you shouldn't make me do...." is awesome. Fair's fair right?

[blowndodge]

My advice OP? Give the ol' misses a rap on the beezer for upsetting you!! http://s2.images.proboards.com/grin.gif

[misunderstood]

I don't quite understand the intercom thing. The last thing I would want when I ride is listening to Mrs. Jack bitch and moan about things. Maybe that's why I ride solo? I'd rather listen to Motorhead or Pink Floyd.

Ditto that !!

[macmac]

My wife still has to be pried off the bike.. I put her in the dirt in SD cutting her to the bone, and she told me if i didn't get up and take her to Cal she was gonna walk there.

She was on back when I hit the jeep that hit the moose, and I had to friggin pry her off the back there too.

She sits there looking at moonbeams in day light and won't say a work for 14 hours... it might be another 14 hours before she is done drawing what ever it was she saw, and what ever that ends as is dam good art.

She sees things I don't and she looks like a big bird flappin, to point at wildlife.

She feels so still at times I have to reach back and touch her to makes sure she is still there.

She knows that riding her own bike isn't for her, but once we looked at bike for her anyway. She is trim, but was never very athletic, and I do all the wrenching anyway so I don't have any need of more wrenching.

I believe her that she says she would just crash as she is in tunnel vision mode driving a car.

So far as i can tell the whole time she is riding she is gathering light. Any woman who can live with me isn't yer average Miss Daisey either.. The last time she went clothes shopping it was a 14 hours Hell, but that was on 02... She had had surgery and did need real new clothing..

I can go do as I please when ever i want, and could have toured the USA alone, but i didn't want to, and she was delited I wanted her along.

We do go different places when we want alone, but we are best friends all the rest of the time.

No man can tell another man what to do... Or how to do it, all any man can do is make suggestions and let it go at that..

I am not more than a hay seed and a lot of you will take advice.. Why that is i don't really know.

[trip]

My advice OP? Give the ol' misses a rap on the beezer for upsetting you!! http://s2.images.proboards.com/grin.gif

What a sensitive man you are BD. http://s2.images.proboards.com/grin.gif

How many times have you been married? LOL.

[olebob]

i took out a 500,000 accident insurance policy when i got back into riding. that made my wife happy and i am glad to let her do her thing while i do mine. i am 62 and she is 48, i gave her our ''boy'' when i was 45, now i got a motorcycle. everything is ok but i do do some things with her to make things balance out. give and take, got to do that.

[lw]

. . .So, she and I have talked about her following me in the SUV when I go on long trips. I have a trailer, so she could pull the trailer and I could take breaks from riding every now and then on really long trips...especially when it rains cats and dogs.


That strategy has worked for the girls and me for the last two summers.

Frances could care less about riding, but dear baby daughter is my riding buddy. Logistics for three people mandated the additional vehicle. Keeping the peace, and not making my wife drive the whole way while I ride included buying a trailer and hauling Lucille on it at least part of the time. (You do what you have to do when your bride has 25 years seniority).

Last year we started vacation with the Central Rally at Eureka Springs, and then continued through another three states on our return trip. This year was nine states in 16 days. I logged 3300 miles on Lucille's odometer, and the Expedition over 4500. It was nice not "having to" ride in the rain; and after we got back to Texas it was nice to be able to get out of the oven-like heat after riding for a while each day.

She did let me know that after two motorcycle vacations in a row, SHE was planning next year's. I reminded her that Central was returning to Eureka Springs, and she said "we can still make that trip" but it wouldnt count as vacation.

[Cajunrider]

Mine loves to ride. I have to push it down the driveway before cranking it if I want to ride by myself. http://s2.images.proboards.com/grin.gif I do enjoy her coming along though. However, she does complain about the heat and the helmet hair. I always tell her when she complains "If you want to play, you have to pay." It seems to work. I hope you guys can work it out OP. She may come around after you ride solo on a few trips. Good luck.

[zoom45]

Vickie loves to ride with me. She has her own Kawasaki Ninja but would rather ride on the back of the Nomad for long trips.
Zoom45

[skeeter]

Whether I plan to go somewhere or it's a spur of the moment thing, I will always ask if Laurie wants to go. Even when I think I know what the answer will be. She usually doesn't care for the longer trips so when it's borderline she will ask how long it will be. My answer is always "Just a couple hours". She doesn't believe me anymore. http://s2.images.proboards.com/grin.gif She will do an occasional all day ride and we have taken two vehicles for an overnite. I really know her limits and they usually have to do with comfort and how she feels at the time. We'll take a ride in to town for dinner and a roundabout ride home after. When she takes her helmet off, I tell her her hair looks great. She never believes me. http://s2.images.proboards.com/grin.gif Laurie knows how much I like to ride and doesn't hold me back. If she doesn't want to go, she leaves herself at home.
It really is great to meet the women behind (or next to) the men.
My wife has always been met with respect from other riders. They know what she has to endure to make the ride.

PS. Been married 26 years this month. I oughta know her limits by now. ;)
The Nomad handles better two up.

[fish]

We both rode 25+ years ago and she is the reason we got back into it. At first she said she would be content to ride on the back. Then she saw all the women riding and said thats it I want my own again. I 'll take little rides by myself but its really cool when we both go on the bikes. Yes we have communication, thats good and bad. http://s2.images.proboards.com/grin.gif

[k9sarky]

We started out taking short rides usually somewhere to eat. She wasn't crazy about riding but it got the wife out of cooking so she went along. Gradually we've taken longer rides. Last week we got together with 3 other couples and took an even longer ride and yes we ate again, but also were able to socialize with the other couples who ride. Things are looking favorable for more riding togther.

[sharps45100]

My wife and I bought the nomad cause it was the first bike that my wife got on and said "boy this is comfortable" (She has had knee replacement)That is untill we took a two ride, she kept shifting so when we stopped to eat she said we have to do something about this seat.

We did,we bought a mustang seat. Maybe she is not comfy due to seat.
My wife is like macmac's, she loves to ride and has no desire to ride her own.
She is the one that bought the baggers for the bike and is the one that can't wait for the ultimate baffles to be made...lol. I have created a monster.

Because of her knee we can't take long trips on bike so we bought a trailer to pull bike on vacations and ride around when we get to our destination.
She is also my extra set of eyes which helps out alot.

[jamiep24]

I've only been riding since February, but my wife loves to ride with me. We've been on several 200-250 mile trips. But she also loves her horses. So she has her time with her horses and friends and I have mine with my bike and biker friends and everything works great. We have as close to a perfect marriage as I can imagine. I love coming home and just jumping on (the bike) and taking off. When I know she's had a tough day at work I'll just say "let's go for a ride" and she jumps on for a short 30 minute ride it probably relieves a little stress. But she doesn't mind me riding alone as much as I want to. I'm going to Little Sturgis this Saturday with my Southern Cruiser group and she just said "have fun". Will be 40,000 to 50,000 bikes there. Probably see some stuff I've never seen before, who knows? Jamie

[macmac]

sharps45100, Buy her a icelandic sheep hide. You can thank me later... But be certain it is nothing less than a icelandic sheep hide..

She can use it is, roll it, stuff it pad a hot spot, and maybe if you get lucky she will come up with a few other uses i can't mention ....

I roll mine up fuzzy side in in rain and still use it.

But then my idea of good rain gear is green trashbags..

[Sin City Stan]

I fell sorry for you guys who's wife doesn'tt want to ride. I'm truly blessed. After 22 years without a bike my wife says out of the blue " wouldn't it be fun to ride a motorcycle to here, there, everywhere".

I was signed up for a MSF course with 24 hours. Had a Vulcan 800 Classic three days after completing the course. A new Nomad four months after that. At that point we still haven't rode two up.

A month after getting the Nomad we were riding two up and have been doing so ever since.

I make some compromises. If I ride by myself there is no way I would stop until I need fuel. Two up I'm flexible. either way we have a great time together exploring the southwest.

[cantridenuf]

My wife, (bless her heart), has zero interest in riding - period. I just got back into riding myself several years ago and feel fortunate that she tolerates it. It's my escape, and these days everybody needs an escape of some kind. She seems to understand this.

Yeah, I would absolutely love it if we could share the experience togeather, but I hear horror stories about some women who threaten the "D" word if the subject of motorcycles happens to come up. If I were married to one of those gals that might force a tough decision!

[Jared]

The intercom made a big difference for my wife. Before we had it, she would come once and a while, but now that we have the intercom, she rides almost every time I go out.

[dougster]

When I got my first bike, my wife was very unsure whether she wanted to ride on it. The first time, she loved it. It mellows her out (like it does for me). She loved the Nomad even more, when I bought it. We enjoy going on rides together. She enjoys it best when it is not too hot. She also likes it now that we got our communicators. My bride and I have been married for going on 28 years, and enjoy spending time together. The bike is a great way to do that.

[eagleman]

Please try to find a happy medium OP. If she says it is OK for you to ride than go and enjoy it. Not sure I totally agree with what some have said about refusing to do what is important to her because she does not want to ride with you. I would not try to speak for that person - he is the one that has to try and feel good about that type of relationship. I personally would not. My wife does not like to ride but it is more out of a physical condition. She has a curvature of the spine and the doctor has said that one bad fall and she could be paralyzed for life. We both understand that and I respect her concerns. However she does understand my love for motorcycles and does not begrudge me of my time on the bike. OP I wish you the best as you work out your situation - you are not alone as far as having a wife that does not share your enthusiasm of riding a motorcycle. As you ride I would hope you would not hold it against her if she choses not to go with you. At the age of 31 believe me you will have many more years of marital bliss if you do not refuse to go with her when she asks you to go to something that is important to her. Try to understand that you will get much more satisfaction and happiness in your married life if you are able to find it within yourself to reach out to her and accompany her at those times that are special to her regardless of whether she rode with you or not. Try to remember that life is like a game of tennis - the better you serve the more you win. Don't build up a wall between the two of you by refusing to go with her simply because she does not enjoy or share your enthusiasm of a motorcycle. A wise man once said, " The quality of love and the duration of a relationship are in direct proportion to the depth of the commitment by both people to making the relationship successful." OP just make sure you are focusing on what YOU must do to make that relationship successful. As you do that you will find the common ground you are looking for. :) :) :)

Eagleman

[AlabamaNomadRider]

Here is my 2 cents worth. I am 62 and on my second marriage. First wife loved to ride with me but after 25 years we just seemed to move in different directions. This wife and I have been together just over 12 years. She was on my previous bike, the Honda VTX1300R, and I took around a large block and didn't get over 30 miles per hour. She has wanted to ride anymore. That is fine with me as I love to ride. I pretty much just say I am going for a ride and off I go. I haven't taken any long rides yet on the Nomad but I do plan very soon. Hope to ride to Texas and visit my daughter and make the Chuck Burt run. That will definitely be a solo ride.

[schoeney]

Hey OP....maybe you should have BD talk to her?......naaaaaaawwwwwww.......bad idea. ;)

[Cajunrider]

That's pretty good stuff Eagleman....are you a marriage counsuler? My wife and I will make 36 years in February.

[cyclecat]

This has never been an issue for Brian and I since I am the one that is crazy for riding. We have been married 35 years and have owned bikes off and on for all those years. I had my first bike at 15 (right after we got married), rode behind Brian on the next bike, took a break for a few years, and then I wanted to ride again so we bought 2 bikes, bought 2 bikes, and then I bought Brian his Nad. I had to have my own Nad after riding his the first time so I bought my Ruby. I've already told the kids they are going to have to pry my cold, dead hands off the grips to bury me. Maybe it's a control thing, and since I'm a redhead it probably is, but I cannot sit on the back of a bike a look at the back of someones helmet; I must be driving or I go nuts. Tried riding passenger a few times and decided that was way too boring.

We know lots of men whose wives are absolutely not interested in riding either as a passenger or driver. They either ride by themselves or with a group, and the wife does what she wants to do that day. Don't understand it myself, but what the hey, everyone is different.

Don't sweat the small stuff Op; keep asking your wife to ride with you and she either does or she doesn't. Don't push the issue and she might change her mind one day and start to like it. Eagleman pretty much summed it up, go riding but once in a while do something your wife wants to do and you will find a happy medium.

[nomad561]

I agree with Chertann,ask her to take the class and maybe it will help her understand what draws you to riding. At the very least it will help her understand the mechanics of riding and,as you know,the view is alot different from the front seat. Lack of understanding leads to lack of confidence which leads to stress and apprehension which will make for a very bad day no matter what you are doing.

[phenrichs]

Wandering, she wants nothing to do with driving anything close to a mc. I wanted to get her a scooter to drive to work instead of her big suv since she is always solo and we don't live far from the hospital where she works and she would not have it. Even though she isn't required to have any more than a car license to drive one here.

Cyclecat, to continue to ask her if she wants to come along each time I go to her IS pressing the issue. I think my best road is to tell her that I will let her know when I am going for a ride and that she is always welcome but that I am not going to ask her to come along. That we she doesn't have to feel like I am putting her on the spot to say yes or no. Instead I will tell her I am going and if she feels that she would like to come along all she has to do is tell me that she would like to and she is always welcome to come along any time. Although I think I will wait until later in the month before I try to sit her down for that discussion. ;) ::) ;)

[nomad561]

I didn't know she worked in the medical field,that helps me understand her feelings. I was a volunteer medic for several years and worked alot of motorcycle wrecks.I tried to learn from the circumstances of the wrecks to better my skills while peopke I worked with saw things from a nonrider's point of view and usually took the "if he wasn't on a motorcycle,he wouldn't have been hurt as bad"viewpoint.
I would say that you would be better off leaving the option for her to go but not ask her to everytime you go for a ride.

[blowndodge]

Please try to find a happy medium OP. If she says it is OK for you to ride than go and enjoy it. Not sure I totally agree with what some have said about refusing to do what is important to her because she does not want to ride with you. I would not try to speak for that person - he is the one that has to try and feel good about that type of relationship. I personally would not. My wife does not like to ride but it is more out of a physical condition. She has a curvature of the spine and the doctor has said that one bad fall and she could be paralyzed for life. We both understand that and I respect her concerns. However she does understand my love for motorcycles and does not begrudge me of my time on the bike. OP I wish you the best as you work out your situation - you are not alone as far as having a wife that does not share your enthusiasm of riding a motorcycle. As you ride I would hope you would not hold it against her if she choses not to go with you. At the age of 31 believe me you will have many more years of marital bliss if you do not refuse to go with her when she asks you to go to something that is important to her. Try to understand that you will get much more satisfaction and happiness in your married life if you are able to find it within yourself to reach out to her and accompany her at those times that are special to her regardless of whether she rode with you or not. Try to remember that life is like a game of tennis - the better you serve the more you win. Don't build up a wall between the two of you by refusing to go with her simply because she does not enjoy or share your enthusiasm of a motorcycle. A wise man once said, " The quality of love and the duration of a relationship are in direct proportion to the depth of the commitment by both people to making the relationship successful." OP just make sure you are focusing on what YOU must do to make that relationship successful. As you do that you will find the common ground you are looking for. :) :) :)

Eagleman

::) ::) ::) ::) ::)

My old lady LED ME TO BELIEVE that getting the Nomad would be something we'd BOTH would want to do together. Letting me buy her hundreds of dollars in leather gear didn't help the matter either.

Now if in the beginning she told me she hates motorcycles and I bought one anyway then her and I would have been on common ground and I'd have no beef with it.

I have a buddy that went shopping for a diamond ring 20 years ago with his now wife. He told me they made the decision together. 20 years later he finds out that his wife "discusses" with her friends that it wasn't the ring she wanted.

Decisions made together that aren't in honest isn't cool with some guys, especially me.

Now I know guys who's wives run them around with all sorts of bait and switch tactics. I guess living that way makes them happy?!!

Not I.

[phenrichs]

I know how you feel there BD. It ain't cool to be manipulated. I don't tolerate that stuff either. When we were planning the wedding she would sheepishly ask me if we (she) could buy some outlandish expensive sh*t for the wedding and if I told her no she would pout and say OK and then go ask daddy. So I told her don't ask me anymore cause my opinion obviously don't count. Went alot smoother after that.

[coloradontexas]

My soon to be wife, used to love to ride as well. We took several 12 day trips, toured lots of country, took lots of short day rides, now cant hardely get her on the bike. Told her today that i am takin the bike on the honey moon whether she is on it or not. I will always be me, aint no changing it, and the bike is an extension of myself, and it aint going nowhere.

[blowndodge]

Spoken like the true BIKER your are !!!!!!! http://s2.images.proboards.com/grin.gif

[gghost]

My wife is the reason that I bought a Nomad. I was looking at a smaller bike, probably a 900, when she told me that we needed a larger bike for riding 2 up. Like Sharps45100, my wife can't ride but for so long so we do trailer it, like we did to Helen. You just need to communicate and compromise...and ride whenever you can.

Also, my wife is in the medical profession. She often tells me of the idiots she sees in the hospital who ride with only a helmet for protection (required in NC). Especially gruesome are her stories of riders wearing flip flops. :-/

[taranis]

Please try to find a happy medium OP. If she says it is OK for you to ride than go and enjoy it. Not sure I totally agree with what some have said about refusing to do what is important to her because she does not want to ride with you. I would not try to speak for that person - he is the one that has to try and feel good about that type of relationship. I personally would not. My wife does not like to ride but it is more out of a physical condition. She has a curvature of the spine and the doctor has said that one bad fall and she could be paralyzed for life. We both understand that and I respect her concerns. However she does understand my love for motorcycles and does not begrudge me of my time on the bike. OP I wish you the best as you work out your situation - you are not alone as far as having a wife that does not share your enthusiasm of riding a motorcycle. As you ride I would hope you would not hold it against her if she choses not to go with you. At the age of 31 believe me you will have many more years of marital bliss if you do not refuse to go with her when she asks you to go to something that is important to her. Try to understand that you will get much more satisfaction and happiness in your married life if you are able to find it within yourself to reach out to her and accompany her at those times that are special to her regardless of whether she rode with you or not. Try to remember that life is like a game of tennis - the better you serve the more you win. Don't build up a wall between the two of you by refusing to go with her simply because she does not enjoy or share your enthusiasm of a motorcycle. A wise man once said, " The quality of love and the duration of a relationship are in direct proportion to the depth of the commitment by both people to making the relationship successful." OP just make sure you are focusing on what YOU must do to make that relationship successful. As you do that you will find the common ground you are looking for. :) :) :)

Eagleman

With all due respect, I have to disagree here, on a couple of points.

If it's okay with her, go ahead and ride? My overwhelming point of view there is I do not need anyone's permission to enjoy the things I do. That would hold especially true in a marriage.


...believe me you will have many more years of marital bliss if you do not refuse to go with her when she asks you to go to something that is important to her. Try to understand that you will get much more satisfaction and happiness in your married life if you are able to find it within yourself to reach out to her and accompany her at those times that are special to her regardless of whether she rode with you or not. Try to remember that life is like a game of tennis - the better you serve the more you win. "

This one really gets under my skin. Again, nothing personal toward you. It is frustrating to see (and read) that it is the man's job to reach out to the wife, instead of both reaching out to each other. I don't play this one-way stuff. You either like it or you don't; I either like it or I don't. I will not do things with her that I don't enjoy for the simple fact of doing them. It leads to more internal strife than anything else. And the same goes for Ann, of course. I don't expect her to tag along with me doing things she absolutely hates. But we do have those things (thankfully, riding is one of them) that we love to do together. I think that is far more important to any successful relationship - discovering the things you love to do together, and building on them, branching out with them, rather than placate to her wishes solely to make her happy. In my opinion, it's a false happiness. Neither of you grow as a couple, and you cling to this "happiness" at the cost of the other.

Lastly, a simple comment...

While I understand and respect you and your wife's decision not to ride, Ann has a completely different point of view when it comes to her RSD (nerve disorder) and riding...summed up as, "Why should I give up living my life because of this?" As with your wife, if Ann should go down or I should go down with her as a passenger, that's it - her riding days are over and she'll likely finish out the rest of her life in great pain and in a wheelchair. Let me be clear that I don't object to your wife's decision, but it's an interesting decision when looking at it from "the other side of the fence" so to speak.

I cannot help to hope she changes her mind one day, but if her decision and yours is concrete, I hope your life together is equally blessed.

Hope none of my post offends. Just my point of view.

[cyclecat]

Op, that is what I should have said, let her know your going for a ride and the decision is completely hers whether to go or not.

[biscuitsngravy]

It's really great to hear some of your marital vs. riding situations and I can sure relate. My wife has never been on my Nomad and probably never will. But she likes to share what I like to do which is fine with me. We got her an '07 Mustang convertible and she is happy to trail along behind. It's almost like a bike anyway with the top down. Anyway, we've been on some great rides together like that. When we went to Canada after the Custer Rally, she drove our Blazer and towed a covered trailer. It was nice to put the bike in a box when I got too tired or hot or wet or whatever. We have a good relationship. Married 44 years next month. BnG

[wheelie]

I had a sporty with a solo seat, first bike I had owned since my oldest was in pampers, 30 some years. One day the little woman (LW) said "get something big enough for us both to ride. I took her to the Kaw shop first of March 07. She picked out the extra fast black one. We test rode the Nomad, bought it and she is almost always ready to go for a ride. I offered LW the sporty as I kept it fo a while. "She said don't you remember the day I tried to ride the Cushman?" Sold the sporty, we ride two up. I ride to work nearly every day. The only draw back is my front engine dragster has only been to the track twice since. Racing weather is riding weather. THe street rod sets most of the time too, it's a sedan. I'm going to build a roadster so we do a car thing and she can still get in the wind.

[jastearns]

Hi, Paul, sorry to hear about the issue but all you can do is tell you are going and if she is interested, she'll let you know. I spent a fortune on a rebuilt seat, a trunk, moved the rear floorboards, bought intercom(s)...and while my wife didn't mind riding behind me, I really felt uncomfortable 2 up. All I could think about is that I hoped if we ever went down, it was me that died as the kids would really, really be upset if it was her.

We bought her a 900 Classic this spring and we are leaving Saturday for a Lake Superior perimeter ride so we'll see how this goes. She loves to ride and makes me drive the bikes to work every day that it isn't raining and I dislike riding in town.

Hope it all works out Paul, we might try to get down to the Outback before the snow flies.

[oldbikers]

OP I have the same problem to be exact my wife was sick in Custer also so I was not able to make any of the planed rides, I have been trying to buy or build anything to put on the bike to make her more comfortable but I think she just doesn't want to ride anymore. We are going on a short ride tomorrow 130 miles to see if she can ride but this is to see the kids so I think she is going just for that. She tells me to go ahead and ride but I hate to leave her alone and as far as her having her own thing to do she doesn't we have been married for 42 years and raising our kids is about all we every did until I got back into riding bikes again. I don't know what to tell you as I don't know how to help my self other than just let her follow me in the car as she has been doing even to Custer.

[skeeter]

Aahh..... page 5 at last.
It is a given that women are more talkative than men. That's the way they ....... never mind.

Anyway... just a bit more on the advice. If she decides to leave herself at home or just has other things she want to do, be double dog sure to tell her you love her and you'll be back soon (or whenever). When you get back, maybe a hi honey and a kiss, and tell her about your ride. Don't divulge too much at first as there may be questions and you want to have plenty of experience left to share. The more detail the better. You want the marriage thing to work out your going to have to hone your skills and pay attention to seeming trivialities. Kinda like reading the curve and lookin ahead thru to where your going.
Now fair is fair so when she comes home from shopping or hanging out with friends or from a hard days work, be sure to ask her how things are goin, whether you really want to know or not. Now all ya need are a few strategic questions which can be learned and returned from all the questions she's ever asked you. Just enough to keep her going till she talks herself out. It relieves her stress and creates a sense of harmonious marital bliss. You will have to cultivate a look of intense interest and also memorize key points so she'll think your really listening as your really thinking about that next piece of chrome or that next trip to ride with a bunch of other nuts that like to ride.

[phenrichs]

Hey oldbikers, 130 miles is a long trip for my wife. She don't like to do more than 30 anymore. By the way how did you mount those armrests? Those look really good.

[ridemslow]

Just tell her you have a sexy young waitress down at the local hog trough that will gladly ride along with you. That could get some of you killed, others will have the wife along... and yet somewill have a good time too.. http://s2.images.proboards.com/grin.gif

[rickyboy]

OP,... I think it's all been said by now, but here is my story. My wife did start out wanting to ride along and we were going to do many rides together with our friends Brian {midge} and his wife. But Judy and I were hit by a deer on the Queen Charlot Islands, during a vacation. {Our first BIG ride.}She took a big fall and lost all desire to ride on a motorcycle again. Brian's {midge} wife road back with him to Calgary, but after arriving home, said after what had happened to Judy and I, she was done with riding. After a few vacations together doing "other things". She came in to an inheritance and said to go get another bike for myself. She still considers from time to time about getting her own bike one day, but when she's ready.....For now, when I attend a rally or do a ride for a day, she finds something she likes, wants to do,....or a place she'd like to go to, and goes. I have no problem with that any more than she has a problem with me doing my thing on the Nomad. Not to say you're any different Bro., but Judy and my relationship is pretty solid and we do a number of things together that we both enjoy. Chin up and enjoy your "alone time" on the Nomad. ;)

Oh!!! as a side note and update on midge's wife.....she has gotten back on with Brian for short rides. Can my wife be far behind?

[skeeter]

Just tell her you have a sexy young waitress down at the local hog trough that will gladly ride along with you. That could get some of you killed, others will have the wife along... and yet somewill have a good time too.. http://s2.images.proboards.com/grin.gif

LMAO! Livin on the edge! http://s2.images.proboards.com/grin.gif
Would ya'll kindly ride at my funeral?

[eagleman]

"My Old Lady" - be careful how you address the woman of your life - woman have an innate way of rising to our expectations and responding to how they are being treated or how THEY perceive they are being treated. "Love" is a verb NOT a noun. The more YOU give the MORE you will receive. Sounds like the clothes and the bike were probably your idea and your "old lady" was probably afraid to stand up to you and say so at the motorcycle shop. Did she pick out all the leather clothing herself and ask your opinion or did you show her what you thought she needed and proceed to buy it for her? How much input did she REALLY have into the transaction at the motorcycle dealership? Was is it pretty much all ONE SIDED - your side, or did she honestly have some input into what YOU thought she needed to ride on YOUR new bike. It never ceases to amaze me that when those of us who lower our level of a relationship to having an "Old Lady" as our life partner and we get the response we deserve from our "Old Lady" we get pissed because of her reaction to the CRAP WE are dishing out. There are many of us that seem to take on the cave man approach to a relationship when we start to straddle our bikes. We all need to take an assessment of what is really important to our WIVES and I promise you as you seek to meet some of HER needs your need of riding a motorcycle WILL IMPROVE. A wise man once said - "A man who has an Old Lady for a partner will grow old in misery, but a man who has a "Wonderful Important Fantastic Experience" for his partner will have a long and happy life". Remember guys love is a verb not a noun - the more you give the more you will receive". Woman are designed that way. The choice is REALLY up to us as to how we will enjoy this great time of motorcycling. Is it something that is causing a wall to be built up or something you both agree on and can enjoy as a couple even if you are both not going for the ride. If you can ride with her blessing weather she is sitting behind you or in her favorite chair back home you can have a great time on your bike. It is really up to us. We have the responsibility to treat our wives in the proper way REGARDLESS of weather we FEEL like it our not. WHEN we do we will reap the rewards. Thats a promise. I hope we can all begin to enjoy a WIFE as our life partner as we begin to develop away from the "Old Lady" syndrome. REMEMBER - "If you do what you have always done - you will get what you have always gotten". It is my hope that today we all can begin to enjoy that "Wonderful Important Fantastic Experience" - our WIFE - as our life partner and not as our Old Lady. The choice is ours and WE are the ONLY ones responsible for making the right choices.

Eagleman

[cactusjack]

Wow, when did Dr. Phil join the forum? http://s2.images.proboards.com/grin.gif

I joke, I joke...

[blowndodge]

Braaahahahahaha!!!!! Yer killin' me Smalls !!!!! http://s2.images.proboards.com/grin.gif


"Paging Dan, Dan Lund please report to the General Boards, Dan to the General Boards please".

[taranis]

WIFE = "Wonderful Important Fantastic Experience"
HUSBAND = "Human Under Slavery Before A New Divorce"

Sounds about right... http://s2.images.proboards.com/grin.gif

[rickyboy]

Braaahahahahaha!!!!! Yer killin' me Smalls !!!!! http://s2.images.proboards.com/grin.gif


"Paging Dan, Dan Lund please report to the General Boards, Dan to the General Boards please".




Oh you just gotta know where this is going. http://s2.images.proboards.com/cheesy.gif http://s2.images.proboards.com/grin.gif :) :>}

[Cajunrider]

And never forget the golden rule; Don't forget to put that damn toilet seat down. My absentmindedness about that toilet seat causes more heartburn than you can imagine. I just can't figure out why she can't pick the damn thing up when she's done. Sure doesn't do me any good when it's down. ???

[Dave]

All you guys that have wifes that don't like to ride should count you blessings! Think of how much more house work they can get done instead of riding with you!!!

[dogdoc]

Boy do I feel alot of hot, tension, anomosity, built up in these solo riders, not to mention any names. I feel sorry for you guys. I really enjoy riding alone, but when I ride with my wife, its a TONS more fun. My wife rides alot with me and really enjoys it. She not afraid of it and really gets inot it alot. So those that dont have wifes that rides, well, pick you up a stray rider, there everywhere. :-)

[biscuitsngravy]

I think you got it down pat, Skeeter!! BnG

[ndbigfish]

The Missus use to ride up until about three years ago. We scheduled a rental from a local H-D dealer close to the area where my daughter was getting married. Long story short... I hit a flat slab of granite in the road, shimmied into a guard rail and slide down the guard rail about 80 feet. We were properly dressed and escaped physical damage. The bike was not so lucky, but it still ran! We rode it another 350 miles that day. She has not been crazy about the bike since then. I guess the yellow paint on the side of the new helmet she was wearing was too much for her. I got a little feedback when I removed the pillion and sissy bar, but not enough desire to put it back on after a year.

[cactusjack]

Come on now guys, I know good and well some of you would like to ride solo but just aren't clever enough to get the Nomad out of the garage without the wife on the back. http://s2.images.proboards.com/grin.gif

I like riding solo, but I need to tell the wife to clean the house while I'm gone. Making me bacon and eggs would be a plus, too. http://s2.images.proboards.com/grin.gif She really doesn't want to ride on the bike, but if she changes her mind I have a Mustang seat and wrap-around back rest waiting for her. Then I guess I'd have to hire a maid to tidy up the place and a cook to make the bacon and eggs while we're gone.

[skeeter]

I gotta be doing something right.... my Old Lady turned down Saturdays scheduled ride so she could finish her housework. God love her! When she's in cleaning mode I may as well get out of her way and go for a ride anyway.

[coacha]

Jumping in late here, practice started last Monday.

Tammy and I ride two up 99% of the time. I think I've only been a 3 long rides without her and none overnight. When we got the Nomad, my first bike, in November of '07, I told her that I wouldn't take her until I took the MSF course and had ridden for a couple months, building up some confidence and skill. Well, she started hovering around me in mid-January while I was cleaning it and I asked her if she wanted to ride...haven't been on many rides without her since.

We feel this is our opportunity for some "us" time. With my job as dean of students and head coaching responsibilities, it makes for very few moments to get away from August till Thanksgiving. So we make time to go on a ride on Sundays then take some longer rides when we can in the winter and spring. I really don't know if I would have as much fun riding solo all the time. We chat on the intercom, stop at interesting places to see the area, etc. We are always talking about places we want to go camp or ride in. Plus, we have seen some great sites and met some great people in the last 2 years.

[wiz]

My girlfriend will ride on the back occasionally, but she usually hops on her own bike (then I have to drag the crap out of my Nomad floorboards to try to keep up - my one bitch about my Nomad is crappy lean angle) :) I am glad we both enjoy riding - which is actually how we met.

[macmac]

Summer 07 I had a pillion from New Zealand.. Them crazie women mount from the right side, you wanna watch out fer that one!

First time she nearly pulled me over, but after that I got used to it.

Like to ask a question.....

Just got really tall luggage on a rack and want to know how other women get on the bike?

Should i stand holding the bike now? Should she step thru?

There is no way she is going to kick over some 12 inches over the luggage. That is over the stock sissy bar and pad...

[coacha]

My wife is 6' and simply steps over like I do, right leg over then sits down. I have a tour trunk on mine too...kinda makes Kaw-Head and jmilucky upset cause they need booster stools to get on their Nomads.

[phenrichs]

mac, I gotta say step through.

[macmac]

Thanks..... This luggage is 2 boxes one on top of the other, and the top one can be removed easy. There is a good chance that top box will hold rain gear for two and not be there most of the time, after I get what I want stored.

My wife is 5' 7" ish, and she kicks her right leg over the sissy bar fine, but she won't if I add that top box. That will cause a face plant someday http://s2.images.proboards.com/grin.gif

I used to sit on the bike lock the ft brake, and let her grab my should / arm for support, but I think now I should stand and hold the bike and het her step thru...

I have no idea really how she got on as i can't see her do it.. I could envision a big problem that no thinking went into..